I titled this blog the Journey of Surrogacy, but really it is life that is the journey. I have not posted much about what is going on this cycle because honestly, I didn't want to jinx it or have to explain things over and over. The last few months have been full of ups and downs, not just with the hiccups with the surrogacy, but life in general. Sin.ce November I have lost my really good job and started a new one (making half of what I was), my husband and I separated, my daughter's car was in the shop, I adopted my diabetic cat that ended up having a $1300 emergency vet bill, and my car died and had to be replaced. It is A LOT. Many people asked why I didn't just put the surrogacy on hold, and quite honestly, carrying a sibling for Isaac is something positive that brings me joy. Yes there is physical and emotional stress, but overall being pregnant has always been when I felt the best.
This time there is a little more need for things to be perfect. This cycle has started out anything but perfect. After our last cycle was dropped I was told to stop all meds, go on birth control for 2 weeks and then we would cycle again with my period. That is where it began, with my period. I kept being asked if I had started my period by the nurse and I didn't know what to tell her! They say to report the first day of full flow, well as expected and as was written on my calendar, I began to spot a few days after stopping birth control, then it stopped, then it started again, and stopped again. Finally on the morning of my first monitoring appointment I started. I started a new medical protocol this time that stopped my period after only 2 days! This time I was started out on more aggressive hormones. In addition to the supplements I was instructed to take 2 estradiol tablets, and then every three days inject .1cc of estradiol and have an estrogen patch. In order to transfer the uterine lining needs to be at least 8mm thick, at my first appointment it was around 4mm. That was fine given I had just started my period. Now me being me, I spent the next week stressing about what happens if my lining doesn't get thick enough this time too. Fast forward to my second appointment, it starts off with the nurse telling me that my blood pressure is high.... like 180/102 high. I have never had high blood pressure even though I have a family history of it, but I just had a physical in December and it wasn't high then. The doctor started off the appointment by telling me that he would not see me again if I did not go to my regular doctor and get my blood pressure checked! Then the ultrasound.... my lining was 5.8. I was very disappointed to see such a low number. Since I had made progress the doctor in Pasadena wanted to increase the estrogen to try to get my lining thicker in the next week. That meant shots going up to .2ccs and taking a third estradiol pill every day. I spent a week stressing about my stupid lining AND my blood pressure! Per my OB/GYN's orders I had my blood pressure checked, the same day that it was so high in their office it was 122/80. In December it was only 110/60! I swear it is just the anxiety of the monitoring appointments that makes my blood pressure go sky high! Now fast forward to this week.... I have been really working on relaxation and trying to lower my blood pressure, I even tried to function on one cup of coffee. All of the drama of the last few months has pretty much been resolved. I only had the stress of what my blood pressure would be and how thick my lining was. My blood pressure was still high, but not as high as last week. Then I sat and waited for the ultrasound just praying for the magical 8mm and triple stripe. I got 7.6! SERIOUSLY!!! .4mm off from a go to transfer on the 13th. I had no idea what would happen. Is it possible to grow .4mm by Sunday? Would they cancel over.4mm? As it turns out they pushed the transfer out a week to give me a little more time to have the perfect uterus. In the mean time I increase my estradiol shots to.3cc's and I will now do 2 estrogen patches! I have to go to a different office on Monday to have another ultrasound which will decide if we transfer this cycle or cancel.
I know that I am doing everything in my power to make this journey successful, but there is still a part of me that questions if I did something wrong or if my lining would have been thicker if I had done something different. For the next 6 days all I can do is take my meds and try not to stress. It is in God's hands and I need to let it go. I don't know what happens if we have to drop this cycle too. I am not sure how many times they will cycle with me not having good results before they decide to drop me as a surrogate. I feel like my body is letting us all down. I trying to stay positive that we will have good results on Monday.
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