Delays....

Well February 7th has come and gone and my uterus is not housing an embryo as planned. After starting meds at the following appointment I was told that my lining was making progress but they upped my medication doses. I didn't think much of it and I don't remember if that happened last time or not. When I went in for my third and final lining check it was not good news. I started the appointment off super nervous, I kinda felt like something was wrong. If you remember from our last journey we had a dropped cycle, a failed transfer and then got pregnant, somehow I felt that it was not going to be smooth sailing this time either. Actually in the past year there has not been a lot of smooth sailing for me, every plan I make promptly goes to shit, but that's a whole different story. Back to the appointment, when Dr Van Kirk first put the ultrasound image up on the screen he said that my lining was not very thick. It was only measuring a little over 5 mm and it needs to be at least 8mm before they will even consider a transfer. He poked and prodded and tried different angles but it was still the same. For some reason my uterine lining did not thicken this round of meds. The next few hours waiting to hear what the next steps were sucked. I did some research and some things said that it may be possible to add meds and thicken the lining but I only had a few days. I frantically watched my email knowing that the transfer would be cancelled. A few hours later I got the call that the transfer was in fact cancelled, I was to stop all meds and go back on birth control for 2 weeks then stop, have a period, and then we could cycle again. I was disappointed to say the least, but I know that it is really important that everything be perfect this time since we have a limited number of embryos. I am slightly pouty about going back on birth control, between them and the meds I have put on 15 pounds. Actually I am pretty pissy about that. Everyone says "oh, just watch what you eat" "exercise more" yeah, it doesn't matter, I still gain and with the hormones I have no willpower!! I have cravings just as if I was pregnant. Add a little stress to that and I am doomed! I am just hoping that I don't gain even more with the next med cycle. I find that it is a bit of a nasty cycle, I take meds, I gain weight, I feel bad for gaining weight and I gain more! I think I am especially hard on myself because I KNOW how to eat right and lose weight, I just haven't made time to do it.
  SO now I just sit and wait..... again. I am really hoping that we can transfer in March. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I think having a baby in December is one of the cruelest things that you can do to a child so I really do not want to transfer anytime that would make the due date close to Christmas! Of course, I will do it if that is what I have to do, but you can bet I will pout about it! On the positive side, I got to drink while watching the super bowl and I will be able to travel to the coast a little farther into summer.


Until next time......