They said yes!!

So as the title says, the Intended Parents (IP'S) that I was so crazy about said yes to working with me! So what's next? Mid March George and I will go back to LA for a face to face meeting with them to make sure that we are all 100% sure we are a good match. After that the timeline varies. BUT it is a huge step forward! I now know whose baby I will carry and I couldn't be happier! I know they will be wonderful parents. It was just like I was told, I just knew when I read their profile. I guess we could meet and hate each other, but I really doubt it. Our ideas and values on what we wanted for this journey are so-identical that I do not foresee an issues. I am so grateful that our decision was met with such warmth and support. I have always known that I was put on this earth to have babies, I never would have thought it would be for other people though!
   I have not mentioned my children's thoughts on this journey so far so I will touch on it. I have the most open-minded, loving and giving children in the world. When I told them what I wanted to do they basically said  "Why would we have a problem with it? We are helping someone." That's it. They had questions of course, and Kaylee really thinks we should name the baby but over all they are so accepting of the fact that we are giving someone their dream of a child biologically related to them! I am a blessed mama! I really think that our faith and the process of our adoption had helped to develop them into these great little people. I hope that they learn, as corny as it sounds, my idea of it is our job to love one another, not judge. God put this notion on my heart and then sent people into my life that needed my help. I could have ignored the calling but it is not my job to judge what HE wants me to do, it is my job to love and DO IT, so here we go!!

The begining

  I guess I should start with a disclaimer. This blog is solely my opinions, thoughts and experiences. It does not have anything to do with the agencies or other people that I am working with. The point of this blog is to have a place for me to process my personal thoughts, as there are not a lot of others locally that have gone through this experience. Two, I am using this to provide information and answer questions for my friends and family who want to know why in the world I would do this. I would also like to provide information to other women that may feel the calling to help another family. And third and most important is for the intended parents of the child I may carry to be able to go back and read my thoughts and feelings from the beginning. I want them to get to know ME as more than the awkward profile that I filled out online through the agency. This blog is not edited, so please be forgiving! It is also the raw true experience through my eyes. Someone may be offended at some point, and I apologize for that in advance, but I think it is important to be honest and truthful. So here it goes....
 
 11/30/2012 Three years ago, right after I got married, the biological clock started to tick!! I already had my two girls and my husband had a boy and a girl. I desperately wanted a baby. My husband did not. This caused a lot of pain and feelings of loss for me. I had even wondered if I could make my marriage work because the pain was so severe. It was causing a lot of resentment in my marriage.
   I believed in God at this point in my life, but was not actively pursuing a relationship with him. I decided to start praying. I had many tearful conversations with the Lord, begging for my husband to change his mind. But God had other plans. On November 9th, 2010 I got a call from child protective services telling me that a family members 4 month old baby had been removed and asking if we would be willing to care for him until they could be reunited. Maybe 6 months to a year. My husband and I discussed it and decided that this was something that we were willing to do. That 6 months to a year tuned into permanent placement, and God willing our adoption will be final soon. That little boy was the answer to my prayers! He has brought us so much joy and love. My husband and him have a very close bond and you would never know that he is not biologically ours. Two years after his placement with us is when the Lord put it on my heart that I needed to give someone else the opportunity to have a child. Having gone through the process, I understand that adoption is not for everyone. There is a lot of legalities and the children, as was the case with ours, are ofter substance exposed and come with a number of  "issues".
   Then I heard a friend talk about surrogacy. I started thinking, hey, I can do that! Pregnancy was easy for me with my girls, so why not. I was worried about the reactions of others though. When I first talked about it with my husband he was not thrilled with the idea. I prayed about it and asked the Lord to help things fall into place if this is what he was willing me to do. That Sunday at church the sermon was on following Gods command even if it seems weird. Well, it doesn't get much weirder than carrying a baby for a stranger! As my husband and I looked into it more we decided that it sounded like something that maybe we could do after all. We decided to apply to be a surrogate.
   So far our preliminary applications have been approved and we have had a phone interview. We have submitted mountains of paperwork and are waiting on background checks and medical clearance.
Hopefully soon we will be headed to LA for psychological and medical screenings. My desire to become a surrogate has been met with little resistance by my family. Their main concern was if I would be able to be okay with carrying a baby and not taking it home from the hospital. My response was this. God put it on my heart so strongly that I need to do this that I trust HIM to take care of me when that time comes. Many were also concerned that since I have recently lost over 60 pounds, I would gain back weight that I worked so hard to lose. I now have completely different eating and exercise habits. Being pregnant will not mean that I need to pig out and gain a ton. BUT, having a healthy baby is a priority so I will be eating PROPERLY and exercising as much as is safe.  I am grateful for this opportunity and hopefully it will all go smoothly and in a few months we will be baking a baby for a couple that has been longing for a baby the way I did.
   Just FYI, this blog will not be all about my faith, but I feel that to accurately document this process it is important to mention my driving forces to do such an unconventional thing. I feel that it is God telling me to give someone else the opportunity to have a child, just as he did for me. There will be mention of my faith as I am guided through this process but all in all, it is a documentation of the journey of bringing a baby into the world for someone else. I hope you enjoy going through this process with us!  

12/3/12 Today I went in to a local clinic and got a pap and full exam so that I can be deemed healthy enough to carry a baby. Hopefully within a week I will have the results and can send them off to the surrogacy agency so we can get started! I am so excited about the idea of being pregnant again. I am a little concerned about the effects pregnancy and delivery will have on my education and practicum hours. I really believe that I will be able to stay on track and hopefully I will find a site that will allow me to either work a lot of hours before delivery or not make me take the full 6 weeks after delivery. I just pray that God will put me where I need to be and I am trying to be patient and trust that he will allow this pregnancy at just the right time. 

12/10/12  I am still waiting for test results so I can move forward with our application. It is taking FOREVER! Now that I have it in my head that this is what I want to do, I am ready to move forward! I told my ex about our plans last night, it went over well. Him and his wife are ok with it and willing to help with the girls when they can. This is a relief. I thought that he may give me a hard time about it. I am so excited to give someone the gift of a biological baby. I loved being pregnant the first two times. There is nothing like feeling a baby grow and move inside of you, but to not have the sleepless new born nights after, THAT is exciting! We have been thinking a lot about the IP's ( intended parents) that we would like to carry for. I have come to the conclusion that when we see the right profile, we will just know. I am hoping to post this blog soon so that all of our friends are on board. My husband still has not shared our plans with some people that he thinks may be resistant to the idea. I am not a super hero, or philanthropist. I am a mom, a wife and a student. I am a woman that longed for a baby and thought I would never get the chance to have that child.  I got that baby and I want to pay it forward and give that miracle to someone else. Yes, we may have some inconveniences along the way but in the end I know it will be worth it. 

12/18/12 Road blocks, road blocks and more road blocks!! It seems that it is hard to get a medical release to have a baby! I had a pap with negative results and then had to get my last physical from my Dr. That was from February so my weight was too high for the surrogacy insurance. I am now waiting on a letter confirming my current weight, which is a lot less to send in. It is frustrating, I just want to get started!! Hopefully by the end of the week we can get our screenings in LA scheduled. I think I will wait until we have that date to publish my blog. I don't want to say too much to too many people until we are sure its a go. I am trying to remember that it is all going according to God's schedule, not mine! I guess it is better to wait a few months before I get pregnant anyway, that will put me closer to graduation and hopefully I will have most of my practicum hours complete.  

12/20/12 We finally have everything completed and to the agency. Just got sent to the insurance company's underwriter and we have a tentative date of January 18th to go to LA for screenings! I have my child care all lined up and I am looking for a good place to board my dogs. I worry about them escaping, barking a lot or tearing stuff up if they are left alone, especially since there is a chance that we could be gone over night. I won't get anymore information until after new years now. I am exciting to get things going.   

1/2/13 The new year is starting with a little more progress! I got my pre approval from the insurance to carry up to twins! I wonder what happens if I get pregnant with triplets??  I guess that is something to ask the agency. I also have a psychological pre screening scheduled for Monday the 7th. Still waiting on confirmation for the medical screenings on the 18th. I am happy to have the ball rolling! I am getting anxious to release my blog and let everyone know what we are doing. I believe that this is a good thing and who knows, I could have some other friends that could help another family a baby! I think there will be a few people who will not be as supportive of our journey as we would like but I know deep in my heart that we are doing the right thing and that this is God's plan for me. With the few people we have told there has been some speculation that we are doing this just for the money. Yes, the compensation will make things more comfortable for us while I am not working and finishing my degree. But it is so much more than that. I cannot imagine a better way to show love for others than "renting" out my body and giving someone else the gift of a biological child.

1/11/13 Psych pre screening  was only a 5 minute phone call. After I got the ok from that I got orders for a glucose tolerance test, which I didn't expect to be a big deal... WRONG!! I had to fast for 12 hours then sit at the lab for 3 hours. The drew my blood when I first got there, then I had to drink this HORRID stuff. After that they drew blood every hour for 3 hours! On the last draw they missed my vein and had to poke me again. In the end I was poked 5 times. My arms are all bruised now!! It didn't really hurt though. I am going to try to upload pictures of my arms! These are my first battle wounds of surrogacy :) By Monday the fertility clinic will have my results and the agency can book our flights to LA for screenings! 

1/16/13 We are still trying to finalize specific travel plans, but we leave for LA tomorrow evening and will stay the night in a super fancy hotel and then have screenings Friday and fly back Friday evening. It is a little stressful trying to make plans that work with childcare, the agency's needs and my husband's work schedule as well as my school schedule! I am excited to be making more progress. I am. however, a little nervous about the screenings. I worry that the doctor will tell me that my uterus is not working properly or something since it has been so long since I was last pregnant. I worry that there will be some issue that will come up and hinder this process. I am trying really hard to trust God to pave the way but it is so hard. I KNOW this is what I am supposed to do and I think I would be heartbroken to find out that there was a reason I could not. I see all of the pregnant women on the surrogacy sites that I follow and hear of all of the IP's getting to meet their babies and I just cannot wait! I loved most of pregnancy and cannot wait to know that someone else's dream is growing inside of me. I feel that is would be such a blessing to be able to do this for someone. I am scared of the medical process and all of the travel in the beginning, but I know it will be worth it in the end. I also worry about if the pregnancy will affect my school, but I am trusting that God will keep me healthy and that I will have the energy to do what I need to do. I have so many thoughts and feelings right now, I cannot begin to describe them all! I really wish that I could go ahead and publish this blog but there are a few family members that we are waiting to tell until the screening results are back and we know for sure we are going to be able to complete this journey. We don't want them to find out on Facebook LOL! There are a few people that know our plans and God has connected me with two former surrogates who have been great support and huge resources for me. Hopefully when we are more public I can connect with more surrogates, I think you need a lot of support through this process. We live in a small town that is pretty close minded. I am prepared for some negative feedback but I am also confident in my choice.
    I am excited to get to spend a kids free night with my husband, although it will be a little rushed! I looked at the hotel's website and I think I will be a little out of place! It looks so nice! I am used to Holiday Inn Expresses, which I think are nice, this place looks so upscale. I worry I will feel out of place! I am totally planning on using the hot tub! I guess that really depends on what time we get there. It all feels surreal. A few months ago this was a crazy notion that I had, now it is becoming a reality!

1/19/13 What a trip!! Our travel was CRAZY!! We were scheduled to fly out of Sacramento on the 17th at 7:30 so I left my house around 2:30 to meet George in Chico and make our way to the airport by 5:30. We made it on time only to find out or flight had been d elayed 30 minutes, ok no big deal. Then at 8:00 we find out there was another delay, the plane was having mechanical issues!! In the end we landed in LA at 1am! By the time we got to the hotel it was 2:00 am. We were exhausted!! I was so disappointed that after all of my excitement about the room we literally only walked in, slept 3 1/2 hours, showered and left. It was super nice though. I am looking forward to the transfer so I can be forced to hang out in there for a bit! Our flight home was also delayed, but only an hour this time! Over half of our trip was spent in the airports, which was terrible for my diet. The food in the airports is gross and EXPENSIVE!! And then there was ground transportation! OMG!! I know I am not from a city where there traffic is an issue, and I am happy about that! The drivers sped through the streets then slammed on their brakes, cut people off, and even got LOST! I think God put me to voice mail on this trip because I was praying so much between the car rides and planes! I am also terrified of flying over water.... which we did at landing and take off! BUT there were good parts too. Our psych evaluation went well. It was really interesting for me to take the MMPI personality test since I am learning about these assessments in school right now. I also recognized some of the techniques that Kim (the psychologist) was using. I found the MMPI to be a little strange. It is a computerized test  you take by answering true false questions. It has over 560 measures!! Some of the questions were a little strange and others I found that I wanted to get more information on them. They would be statements like " often times I...." Well, what is the definition of often? It may be different for me than for another person. I also wish I would have had more sleep. It was hard to concentrate on so little sleep. The people at Growing Generations were super nice and thorough. Then it was of to the fertility specialists in Pasadena. They were great. They held our luggage for us so we didn't have to lug it around when we walked to have lunch and everyone was super nice. We started out with a little paperwork. then it was blood tests. I am a whimp about having my blood drawn so I did not look but without exaggerating, they took at least 5-6 vials of blood from me! And poor George, he has been such  a trooper. They couldn't get blood out of him on the first poke. They dug the needle around like crazy and nothing so they had to do it again on the other arm! Then we both had to submit urine samples for drug screenings. After all of that we had a consult with a medical assistant. She went over EVERYTHING in great detail and answered all of our questions. They put me on birth control!! That seemed weird to me, put me on birth control so I can get pregnant?? BUT, they do it to regulate and control my cycles so they can be matched up to the egg donor's. Then we met Dr.Kolb. We loved him. He asked a few questions and explained the procedures I was having that day and the ivf process. Again I had a few questions. He did not give me short, quick answers, he gave me details, drew pictures and explained EVERYTHING. I was really nervous about the procedures. I had read a lot and freaked myself out a little. The most uncomfortable part was when they removed my IUD, and that was nothing more than a little cramping. It may be a little strange, but I thought it was so cool to see my uterus and ovaries!! Again, Dr.Kolb took the time to point everything out to us, "there is your ovary" " there is a follicle" " this is your uterus" "this is the lining we will be monitoring" ect. He even made my sure my husband could see everything. He has some humor as well. As I was laying on the table and he is doing the exam he tells me to cough, removes my IUD, holds it up, then excitedly says "you are now fertile!". I felt very comfortable and well informed.                                                                                                       

The most exciting part of the trip is that Growing Generations has an idea of who they want to match us with! We won't get their profile until after we are cleared (about 2 weeks) but they gave us a little overview of their story and I really think that they are the ones for us! I won't know for sure until I get their whole story, but I can't get them off of my mind! I just felt in my heart that they are the ones! I don't want to get too excited because even if I think they are perfect, they could say no to ME!! It is almost like asking someone on a date!! A date to have their baby LOL! I am just trying to trust God to lead the way. I think the 2 weeks of waiting is going to be torture!! I am confident everything will be ok. I know my uterus looks good, my pap will be ok (since I just did one in December), and I can't imagine anything being wrong with my blood work. I still stress though, I go through every what if scenario under the sun! Oh well, time to sit back and pray, trust and wait!

1/25/13 It has been a week since our trip to LA and the wait is killing me!! On a positive note, I connected with some other surrogates from California and I am excited to start building some new friendships with other women who know what I am going through! There are 2 other surrogates locally I have connected with as well and they have been so great at answering questions and being supportive in the hurry and wait game! Hopefully by next week we will have our screening results and can move on to getting matched!!I did however, finish the preventative antibiotics I was put on. Let me just tell you, they were no fun! They made me extremely nauseous. Even to the point of throwing up. Which of course was witnessed by my two year old who let me know it was yucky to spit!! BUT you had to take these 2 hours before or 3 hours after eating and not lay down for at least 10 minutes after taking them. That is harder than it seems! I found that after taking them I could not even think about eating for at least 4 hours! They were twice a day but the night time ones were not so bad since I went to bed after the 10 minutes. I think I slept through the desire to vomit. I have to admit, I am guilty of not taking my day dose the last 2 days.... I just don't have the time to feel bad for so long. I really hope I do not get morning sickness once I am pregnant!! I didn't with the girls so I am keeping my fingers crossed! 

1/31/13 Today is the 9th business day after my screenings..... still no word on results. They said about 10 days so hopefully tomorrow! Today has been trying though. I have received 2 emails from Growing Generations asking about the kinds of parents I would like to be matched with, but no test results yet! It is hard to think about the people I will potentially be having a baby for when there is still a chance that something could come up in the screenings.  It has been a LONG 2 weeks. I am ready to know one way or the other! I have become mildly surrogacy obsessed. I have joined groups and read blogs where I have met other surrogates and learned about their experiences. It makes me even more excited to start this journey! I also looked at all of the cute surrogacy related clothes on allthingssurrogacy.org but I didn't buy anything because I am still worried I might not get approved! UGH!! So nerve wracking! ONE MORE DAY and I should know. Monday at the latest. Through this process I am really getting the opportunity to practice being patient!

2/1/13 Yea me. I have no news so far EXCEPT a call from the fertility clinic to tell me that they did not draw enough blood while I was there and I have to go get more drawn today. Not the news I was hoping for! 

2/4/13 Today's delay...... BLOOD PRESSURE! I had to go to my Dr and have my blood pressure checked and send verification back to the fertility clinic. THAT is done so hopefully we can get are approval to move forward. I have an appointment on Wednesday to talk to the HART doctor. HART is a program to assist HIV positive men in having biological children. I know this raises a lot of questions and concerns for many but I am confident that with the modern medicine and processes used there is very little risk to me as a surrogate. In nearly 4000 cases, there has be NO transmission of HIV to a surrogate. I am pretty comfortable with those numbers. This does not mean 100% that we will carry for a couple with HIV issues, only that we are gathering more information and exploring options. I am trusting God to lead us to the profile of the IPs for us. Hopefully I will get a better update later!

2/5/13 This has by far been the most frustrating day ever. Turns out that my blood pressure was 132/80 which is on the high end of normal. The fertility Dr. in LA won't approve me until an OB (that I don't have since it has been 10 years since I have had a baby) will write a letter approving me for surrogacy. I have never had an issue with blood pressure, I am just super stressed about this whole process getting drug out over silly little things! I am trying to help someone for crying out loud! I am in the best shape I have been in for over 10 years, I have passed all of the blood work and physical exams. It is just 12 B/P points getting in my way!!! GRRR I am beginning to doubt that this is going to happen. It just seems like there is always something coming up and causing another delay.

2/6/13 Mini update, I am seeing a local Ob tomorrow to hopefully get the all clear on my blood pressure. 

2/13/13 This has been a very trying month since our screenings!! I got the all clear from my OB to get pregnant and I submitted it to the fertility clinic a week ago for the doctor to give me the clearance. Turns out the doctor is sick so I still have not got the official letter. The waiting is killing me!! My blood pressure keeps going up and down and I am not sleeping well either because I wake up thinking about all of the obstacles that keep coming up. I know that it will be worth it in the end, but it is SSSOOO hard to wait!

2/19/13 FINALLY!!! I got my medical clearance and we are getting a profile to look at this morning! I am so excited to move forward and choose the family we will carry for. I am so grateful that God put this journey on my heart and I am trusting that HE will connect us with the right people!! 

2/ 20/13 So exciting!! The profile we looked at yesterday seems perfect! They have a lot of the same ideas and qualities as us! Most exciting for me was that they want a surrogate that takes care of herself and has healthy habits! I was worried that I would have a hard time finding IP's that were ok with me continuing to exercise and eat the way that I do. They have also been through some of the same processes that we have. We gave the agency our ok so now today our profile will be sent to the couple for them to review and decide if it is a good match. If they say yes I believe that we will all go to LA for an official meeting! I did not really expect to find a profile that we liked on the first try! Hopefully we will get an answer by tomorrow! 

2/21/13 A bit of bad news, the IP's from yesterday have decided to withdraw from the program so we are back to looking at profiles. I got another one today, but I don't think they are right for us. I don't want to choose the wrong Ip's just to speed the process along. I am trusting that I will know when they are the right ones. Third time is a charm right? 

2/23/13 Yesterday I got another profile and they are wonderful! Even better than the first couple I accepted. They want to build a relationship with us and not look at this journey as just a business transaction, which is very important to me. I cannot give details but as soon as I read their information I just felt in my heart that they were the ones! So much so that I told the agency yes before George got back to me to give his ok, thank God he liked them too! As a bonus they live in a BEAUTIFUL country that I would like to visit someday! My profile was sent to them last nigh so because its the weekend I will not get an answer until Monday. I am praying that they like us as well. They seem like they will be amazing parents! 3 months ago this was just a notion that I was gathering more information on, today we are searching for the perfect people to carry a baby for, who would have thought?!