It has been a long time since I last updated, that is because I wanted to wait until I had BIG news. There has been so much going on in the last few months. After I returned from Paris the talk began of baby #2. That meant that I had to get disciplined and lose some more weight. There wasn't a huge rush so I wasn't really pushing then one day it went from talking to taking action! I filled out the application to reapply to the agency and after that it went quickly. I really had to push to lose 10 pounds so I could screen and I did it!
The screenings.... If you remember from so long ago last time the trip to LA for screenings was crazy... delayed flights and little sleep, crazy cab rides and LOTS of tests. This time it hit me just how much the process of surrogacy had allowed me to grow, THIS time I chose to go to LA ALONE!! That's right, George stayed home to keep the kids in line and I drove to Sacramento, navigated the airports and LA all by myself! I was a little nervous once I got to LA but it was super easy. There was a car waiting for me and the driver was really nice and talkative this time, not like the scary Mafia man we had last time. He pointed out some of the interesting sights as we drove which was neat. The hotel was beautiful and this time I got to RELAX!! This trip we used Uber instead of taxis, WHAT A DIFFERENCE!! I rode in 2 suburbans and a Tesla! That's right, a freaking Tesla! It was so cool, there were so many buttons and things I could have played with if I was sitting in the front, BUT I wasn't so I just took Snapchats to send to the kids! The drivers were not bat shit crazy like the cab drivers and on the ride to the airport the driver even had a charger for my phone!
The psych testing was interesting. I took the 567 computer question MMPI which was so boring, but must have shown that I am not a total nut case because I passed. The interview portion was pertty standard. We talked about many of the same things as last time, thoughts on specific topics, relationship with the parents and then a little about me, and this is where I got choked up and the tears started flowing. See I was asked about my proudest moment. This is how my response went: I have given birth to 2 beautiful and amazing babies that are now growing into amazing women. I survived being a single mom, I was a teen mom that people doubted would graduate high school and I now have a Masters degree.... but those are not my proudest moment. I took out my phone and showed the interviewer a picture from D&G's wedding where they are holding Isaac and they all look so happy. With tears running down my face I told him THIS is my proudest moment. I got to play a part in making those smiles. I did something that not everyone can do. Helping make this family is my proudest moment. It was very moving to be back where it all started moving forward to growing a sibling for Isaac.
After the Psych eval I had about an hour to waste until I had to leave for Pasadena for the medical portion. I was so hungry and the road in front of the building was lined with food trucks, BUT I knew I was cutting it close on making the weight I needed to screen so I chose not to eat anything. I regretted that later in the day because it was 5:00 before I got to eat anything. There was a bit of a wait at the Dr's. They first took blood....a lot of blood! Then urine, which was, for once in my life, hard to do since I hadn't really drank anything. Then I waited some more before the nurse took me back. She talked a bit and took my blood pressure then it was time for weight.... I was 2 pounds over what I had weighed at home!!! Now I had not eaten anything in over 12 hours, I chose my lightest clothes and I was still 2 pounds above where I needed to be. I think the nurse must have sensed my horror because she told me that it was fine and I was close enough. The Dr wasn't available so I saw his Physicians Assistant. She was so sweet! We chatted and talked about all kinds of unconventional stuff to make me feel more comfortable.... tattoos, waxing and piercings... before I knew it I was done and everything looked good. Now we wait the 2 weeks to get all of the results back.
It was a bit of a rush back to the airport but I made it. The rest of the trip was uneventful. I got legal clearance a couple of days ago and we are set up for a match meeting to make sure that we still like each other :) From there it is legal and baby making. I wish this was where the story ended, but there is another not so great part that is important. Through my last journey I was blessed with so much love and acceptance of the fact that I was helping create a family that I couldn't imagine anyone holding it against me. Well I think that has happened this time. I have no proof, it is just a feeling I have and the ONLY answer I can think of.
Back in March I landed my dream job as a school counselor. I got paid WELL to help kids feel better. I worked the same schedule as my kids, I could not ask for more. This year I was transferred to a school that I LOVED! I quickly made some relationships with staff and kids and I felt I had found a good routine. I had a caseload of 50 kids and 8 groups. I was spending time in classrooms and individually with kids. It was all I could have asked for. So when I started needing a couple of hours off to have some tests done and it was casually asked if I was ok, I didn't hesitate to be honest and tell the admin where I was working about the surrogacy. I covered the basics, how I explain the pregnancy to the kids and how I work until I deliver and planned to return as soon as I could. It was all good and nothing more was said. a few weeks later I let them know I was taking a day off for medical appointments in LA. When I returned I was asked if I had transferred and I explained that I just had screenings and tests and that it would be a month or two at least before we got pregnant. It was quite casual and I thought nothing of it. The admin seemed supportive. Now Fast Forward to the end of the week. As I finished my last group of the week and was saying goodbye to a trainee that had been helping with my group I noticed the superintendent, who is my boss, I didn't think much of it and continued with closing out the day. When he came to my office I was a little surprised because in the time I had worked there I rarely had a one on one conversation with him. That is when it hit me that something was up. He was with someone from HR. He told me to sit down and that he had some bad news. He explained that I was still on probationary employment, for 14 more days, and that they had decided that it was not a good fit. He asked if I had any questions and I told him that I was really surprised since I had not heard any negative comments about my performance or constructive criticism or suggestions on things to do differently. I thought that everything was going well. The staff and kids seemed to like me and I was BUSY. All he would say is that it was not a good fit and that he could not say anything more. I was devastated. I had no idea what the real reason for my job loss was. I was heartbroken to lose a job I LOVED and poured my hear into. I was sad that I wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye to the kids I had built relationships with.
I had plans to go away that weekend, and I did. I tried not to stress about losing my job. Then Monday came. I didn't get up for work. I tried to look for a job and realized that there were very few jobs and they paid A LOT less than what I was making. It got me down..... really down. I looked at every possible thing that I could have done wrong or not good enough. The ONLY thing I could think of was that the surrogacy. I know that I was doing good work with the kids. I was there early and worked late, but I was planning a pregnancy that was non-traditional. For a little bit I was pissed!! How dare they end my job for something so beautiful. Is it legal? Of course, they covered their ass by letting me go before my probation was over and only saying it wasn't a good fit. But in my heart I know that this is the only reason I had given them for feeling that way. Now I am back to this must be a part of Gods plan that I am not meant to understand. I also know that if I would have been given the choice of keeping my job or carrying another baby for D & G I would have chose the baby. I may have a lot of flaws, but standing up for what I believe in is not one of them. I have already had a job interview, and I let them know about the surrogacy. Some may think that is a dumb move, but I believe in being honest. I don't want to surprise a new employer with a pregnancy a few months in. If a surrogate pregnancy is enough of a reason not to hire me then it is not the right place for me. I am passionate about what I do, and I am really good with kids, I believe that there is a better place for me that will see and appreciate that. Until I find it I will continue to stand up for what I believe is the right thing for me and my family, and that is carrying a sibling. It makes me sad that there are people who don't ask questions about it and operate on assumptions, or that they are so narrow minded that they make decisions out of fear and lack of information and facts. This may all be an assumption. My job loss may have nothing to do with the surrogacy, but it is quite a coincidence that I was let go just a week after taking a day off for screenings. I am still adjusting and accepting the loss. I am battling the urge to get down and give up. But besides my own children that keep me going, I have the light of hope. Hope of carrying another baby that will add to the joy and love of another family. I do not have a hesitation or question in my mind that surrogacy is something I am meant to do. God gave me the gift of easy pregnancies and a heart for helping others. I am sad that not everyone sees it as a good thing, but I know it is a part of HIS plan for me and I have to trust right now that our needs will be met while I follow that path.
Next up..... legal contracts, my LEAST favorite part! Thank you all for your love and support and I look forward to sharing journey #2!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
Reunited
Ahh... my trip to Paris. What can I possibly say that would describe my time over seas? Amazing doesn't even touch it. So lets back up to the preparation. Now when someone says "hey, come visit us in Paris" you think "yeah, great idea. I'll just hop on my flying pig and head over" at least that is what I thought. There is no way in hell that I ever imagined that I would go to Paris!! I felt that way the whole trip there until I stepped out of the plane and the "oh shit! We are in Paris" hit. Anxious and excited does not even describe what I was feeling up to that point. I was so excited to see my surro family but so scared of the flight and going to another country where I didn't speak the language or have any idea how to navigate. I get so lost I knew for sure that I would be lost in a foreign country! I seriously was asking myself all the way to the airport " how pissed would they be if I can't get on the plane?". It was hard to leave my kids too. I cried, not going to lie. Even though they are older it was still hard to leave and know that if something went wrong I was not going to be able to be right there to help them.
Once I got to the airport I was even more nervous. Me, a plain Jane redneck from small town Cottonwood, California was going to get on a plane and fly FOREVER to another country! Oh and then there is my mother, I love her dearly but when she gets nervous she asks a ton of questions. Which way do we go? Is this the right terminal? What if they lose our luggage? Where can we get a drink? Seriously? Like I know!! I had never been to the San Francisco airport, I HAVE NO IDEA!! Add to that anxiety that if you remember from LONG ago that I have some issues with my sinuses that can cause EXTREME pain during the decent. I thought it would be a good idea to visit my ENT and get a plan to prevent this. As it turns out my sinuses are not in very good shape so I was put on a super aggressive steroid protocol to try to prevent the pain. SO, I was super nervous that I would have pain during the landing in addition to all of my other anxieties about traveling. Even the Madori Sours from the airport bar could not calm my nerves. The only thing that got my ass on that plane was the thought of seeing my French boys again..... It had been a YEAR and I have missed them so much!
I'm not going to lie, the flight sucked! We were squeezed into tiny seats and it was FREEZING!! There was one kid next to us screaming and another puking. Our flight left SFO at 9 pm and got to Paris at 4:45 pm THE NEXT DAY!! All of the friends that have gone on long flights have said to sleep on the plane. It was a nice thought, but it didn't really happen. Even with melatonin all I could manage was a few minutes here and there.
Once we arrived in Paris it really hit us just how much planning was done on our behalf, we are forever grateful for D's obsessive planning!! A care was there to meet us at the airport and D&G were at our apartment (that they arranged for) waiting when we got there! They had a full itinerary planned for us. Seriously, they thought of EVERYTHING! They helped us get settled and then we got to walk the short walk to their place to see Isaac.
He is so adorable! Pictures just don't do him justice. His personality is priceless. He smiles all of the time! By the second day I even managed to get a hug and kiss from him. ( I may have bribed him with my phone)
Just look at him!! He is just such a gorgeous baby! And of course we had to bring him a birthday present! He is also very talented, see, he loves to play the piano. But when he does he plays a little bit and then stops to make sure that everyone is watching him, then you MUST clap and cheer!
I have to admit that I was a little worried that it would be awkward being with my surro family again after a year apart, it was not! From the first day it was as if we had never been apart. We laughed and visited and drank wine. Lots and lots of wine, which I normally do not like but as it turns out the French are blessed with very good wine!! They took such good care of us and showed us around and how to navigate. But beyond all of the sights and experiences of being in Paris, I got to witness my favorite thing.... The RELATIONSHIP! I got to see first hand how loved and adored Isaac is, not only by his daddies, but by his amazing nanny, their friends and everyone who comes in contact with him. This was so rewarding. To be welcomed into their home and given free access to see Isaac whenever we wanted was such a gift. We spent almost every evening together doting on Isaac until he went to bed and then visiting and catching up until late in the evening, it was so nice.
The experience of Paris was amazing. The sights, the people, the food.... all of it. I was so nervous about the food. I am so picky I really thought I would starve or only eat bread but everything I tried was good! And navigating was not as hard as I expected. After just a day or two, with the help of maps, my mom and I were able to navigate the part of town we were in on foot AND take the metro, even changing trains, to get to where we wanted to go. Language was not an issue either since just about everyone spoke English. The buildings are absolutely breath taking, they are so old and so beautiful. And the weather was perfect, sunny and warm. So much so that we both got sun burns!
It was the trip of a lifetime. And while I enjoyed the sights and the experience of being in Paris, what I really took away was the knowledge that I carried a sweet little boy for two of the most loving and generous people I have been blessed to know. That baby will never want for anything or ever doubt that he is loved. I know that our connection is not one in the form of an agency arranged business arrangement but one of the heart.
This is my favorite picture because there is no divide. Someone looking at it cannot tell where one family ends and the other begins. I was lucky enough to get to choose these special people and help them become parents, and I can only thank God for leading me to them and for the relationship that we continue to have.
Coming home was hard. I missed my family like crazy, but Paris was just so unbelievable. I think I may have scared their poor nanny because as hard as I tried, when it came time to say good bye I cried. I just couldn't stop! It was so emotional to witness their love, and I know I will miss them all so much until we see each other again. No, I did not want to take the baby and run ( well, not long term. I would totally babysit!) I wanted to take them ALL with me!
Besides the wonderful time we had with D&G and Isaac we got to experience a new culture where you sleep in and socialize until late at night ( when it is still light at 10:30 pm). We got to see Gay Pride in Paris ( we were together in San Francisco last year for it), we got to see art from famous artists and so much more. I will never forget this trip! I am so grateful to D&G for everything that they did to bring us to Paris and to make sure that we had a great experience but most of all for allowing me the opportunity to continue to be a part of their lives.
Some of the Parisian beauty..
Until next time......
Once I got to the airport I was even more nervous. Me, a plain Jane redneck from small town Cottonwood, California was going to get on a plane and fly FOREVER to another country! Oh and then there is my mother, I love her dearly but when she gets nervous she asks a ton of questions. Which way do we go? Is this the right terminal? What if they lose our luggage? Where can we get a drink? Seriously? Like I know!! I had never been to the San Francisco airport, I HAVE NO IDEA!! Add to that anxiety that if you remember from LONG ago that I have some issues with my sinuses that can cause EXTREME pain during the decent. I thought it would be a good idea to visit my ENT and get a plan to prevent this. As it turns out my sinuses are not in very good shape so I was put on a super aggressive steroid protocol to try to prevent the pain. SO, I was super nervous that I would have pain during the landing in addition to all of my other anxieties about traveling. Even the Madori Sours from the airport bar could not calm my nerves. The only thing that got my ass on that plane was the thought of seeing my French boys again..... It had been a YEAR and I have missed them so much!
I'm not going to lie, the flight sucked! We were squeezed into tiny seats and it was FREEZING!! There was one kid next to us screaming and another puking. Our flight left SFO at 9 pm and got to Paris at 4:45 pm THE NEXT DAY!! All of the friends that have gone on long flights have said to sleep on the plane. It was a nice thought, but it didn't really happen. Even with melatonin all I could manage was a few minutes here and there.
Once we arrived in Paris it really hit us just how much planning was done on our behalf, we are forever grateful for D's obsessive planning!! A care was there to meet us at the airport and D&G were at our apartment (that they arranged for) waiting when we got there! They had a full itinerary planned for us. Seriously, they thought of EVERYTHING! They helped us get settled and then we got to walk the short walk to their place to see Isaac.
He is so adorable! Pictures just don't do him justice. His personality is priceless. He smiles all of the time! By the second day I even managed to get a hug and kiss from him. ( I may have bribed him with my phone)
The experience of Paris was amazing. The sights, the people, the food.... all of it. I was so nervous about the food. I am so picky I really thought I would starve or only eat bread but everything I tried was good! And navigating was not as hard as I expected. After just a day or two, with the help of maps, my mom and I were able to navigate the part of town we were in on foot AND take the metro, even changing trains, to get to where we wanted to go. Language was not an issue either since just about everyone spoke English. The buildings are absolutely breath taking, they are so old and so beautiful. And the weather was perfect, sunny and warm. So much so that we both got sun burns!
It was the trip of a lifetime. And while I enjoyed the sights and the experience of being in Paris, what I really took away was the knowledge that I carried a sweet little boy for two of the most loving and generous people I have been blessed to know. That baby will never want for anything or ever doubt that he is loved. I know that our connection is not one in the form of an agency arranged business arrangement but one of the heart.
Coming home was hard. I missed my family like crazy, but Paris was just so unbelievable. I think I may have scared their poor nanny because as hard as I tried, when it came time to say good bye I cried. I just couldn't stop! It was so emotional to witness their love, and I know I will miss them all so much until we see each other again. No, I did not want to take the baby and run ( well, not long term. I would totally babysit!) I wanted to take them ALL with me!
Besides the wonderful time we had with D&G and Isaac we got to experience a new culture where you sleep in and socialize until late at night ( when it is still light at 10:30 pm). We got to see Gay Pride in Paris ( we were together in San Francisco last year for it), we got to see art from famous artists and so much more. I will never forget this trip! I am so grateful to D&G for everything that they did to bring us to Paris and to make sure that we had a great experience but most of all for allowing me the opportunity to continue to be a part of their lives.
Some of the Parisian beauty..
Until next time......
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
The journey continues.....
I have heard many surrogates say that when they quit pumping it was a sad time because they felt like it was a definite end to their journey. It was bitter sweet for me. I quit pumping the day Isaac turned 9 months. It was a relief not to have my life revolve around pumping, washing and storing. It has been nice to enjoy large amounts of caffeine and drink a beer too many! But, I now have to watch what I eat again because I am not burning a ton of calories pumping. I have also lost the ability to randomly squirt people. (yes, that is a perk of breastfeeding, nothing gets kids moving like the threat of boob milk). I can still hand express enough to treat minor ailments though, it will be a sad day when I can't do that anymore. And then there are the physical changes..... ugh. Remember the day of giant, out of control boobs? Well they have been replaced with balloons that were over inflated and then deflated until they were only about a quarter full. I'm not sure that I would have boobs at all if it wasn't for rolling and tucking of the empty stretched out skin! Shallow as it may sound, when I am done having babies I am getting a mommy make over. As much as I know about self acceptance and looking at all of the wonderful things my body has done, I know that I will be forever self critical until I can wear a bathing suit without an under wire and not have to worry about the dreaded tummy apron. What the hell is that anyway? I know I have had big babies and gotten fat and then lost weight but I don't get why the skin that could stretch so far can miss the notice that it is time to suck back in! Seriously, it doesn't matter how much I work out, there are just things that don't firm up!
Working out.... I remember peaceful runs by the river with my dog. Unfortunately, that is something that I have not been able to fit into my schedule yet. I hear all of the time, I have even said it myself, it only takes 30 minutes or an hour. The reality of my life is that I am up before the sun and don't stop until it is dark again! Yes, literally, that is what my days are like. Working full time again has been an adjustment and then add 3 nights a week at my old job and all of the kids stuff and I am one tired mama!
Through out the pregnancy the big question was "how could I give my baby away?", well that has changed now to "do you ever see him or talk to his parents?" Um, yes. We still Facetime and email regularly. We haven't seen each other in person since Isaac was 3 weeks old (he is 10 1/2 months now) but I still get to watch him grow and see what a happy little family they are! It just warms my heart to watch them interact and to know that I got to play a role in the creation of their family.
Now, rewind to a year ago. We had all kinds of talk about seeing each other and visits, which sounded wonderful, but I had been warned from other surrogates about how once the parents got their baby home the relationship could fizzle out and we could drift apart. I am SO grateful that this had not been the case with us. I would say that we are as close as ever, just the roles are reversed! Where I would update them with Isaac's growth and development on the inside, they now update me with the same on the outside. I must say his cute little face is much nicer to look at than my growing tummy was! And now the best news..... In June my mom and I will get to go to Paris to spend a week with Isaac and his family! We are so grateful and blown away to have this opportunity. While I am excited to see the sights of Paris, I am more excited to see my surro family! Oh, but I am quite nervous too.
If you know anything about me at all you know that one of my biggest fears is sharks. Well, in order to get to Paris you have to ply over an ocean FULL OF SHARKS! Yes I know that statistics on plane crashes and the likelihood that I would survive a crash and have to worry about sharks but it doesn't ease my mind any. And then there is the crowds, and the fact that I get lost easy or that I don't speak a word of french, so many uncertainties that make me want to just stay in my comfy little town and only visit through Facetime. BUT while there is not any sort of maternal bond with Isaac, there is definitely a bond with him and his daddies. A bond that overrides my fears and uncertainties and that has motivated me to getting my ass on that plane! Now it may sound like I am dreading the trip. I really am not. I am just dreading the flight and navigating a foreign country. There are so many things that we are wanting to see and do that I am not sure that there are enough hours in the day for us to do them!
The second most popular question is "will you do it again?" Yes. Without hesitation, as soon as his parents are ready for a sibling my ass will be a pin cushion again. I really miss being pregnant. I'm so jealous seeing all of my surro sister's baby bumps! Even with the shots, sickness, aches, pains and birthing process, I miss being pregnant! There is something magical about watching your body change and feeling another life inside of you. A surrogate pregnancy is even better because there is no worry about preparing for a baby, I just get to enjoy growing life! I don't think that I will pump as long next time though. That shit was hard work! Now that I have a full time job, there just is no way that I could pump like I did. I will pump for a few weeks though. There are just too many benefits of breast milk to waste it, and I still hold out hope that they will want this baby breastfed while they are in the US ;)
So as you can see, our journey has not ended. Two and a half years from the time I got the crazy idea in my head to carry a baby for strangers (at the time) and our story is still being written!
Now the best part..... an updated picture of Isaac! He is seriously one of the cutest babies I have ever seen!!
Working out.... I remember peaceful runs by the river with my dog. Unfortunately, that is something that I have not been able to fit into my schedule yet. I hear all of the time, I have even said it myself, it only takes 30 minutes or an hour. The reality of my life is that I am up before the sun and don't stop until it is dark again! Yes, literally, that is what my days are like. Working full time again has been an adjustment and then add 3 nights a week at my old job and all of the kids stuff and I am one tired mama!
Through out the pregnancy the big question was "how could I give my baby away?", well that has changed now to "do you ever see him or talk to his parents?" Um, yes. We still Facetime and email regularly. We haven't seen each other in person since Isaac was 3 weeks old (he is 10 1/2 months now) but I still get to watch him grow and see what a happy little family they are! It just warms my heart to watch them interact and to know that I got to play a role in the creation of their family.
Now, rewind to a year ago. We had all kinds of talk about seeing each other and visits, which sounded wonderful, but I had been warned from other surrogates about how once the parents got their baby home the relationship could fizzle out and we could drift apart. I am SO grateful that this had not been the case with us. I would say that we are as close as ever, just the roles are reversed! Where I would update them with Isaac's growth and development on the inside, they now update me with the same on the outside. I must say his cute little face is much nicer to look at than my growing tummy was! And now the best news..... In June my mom and I will get to go to Paris to spend a week with Isaac and his family! We are so grateful and blown away to have this opportunity. While I am excited to see the sights of Paris, I am more excited to see my surro family! Oh, but I am quite nervous too.
If you know anything about me at all you know that one of my biggest fears is sharks. Well, in order to get to Paris you have to ply over an ocean FULL OF SHARKS! Yes I know that statistics on plane crashes and the likelihood that I would survive a crash and have to worry about sharks but it doesn't ease my mind any. And then there is the crowds, and the fact that I get lost easy or that I don't speak a word of french, so many uncertainties that make me want to just stay in my comfy little town and only visit through Facetime. BUT while there is not any sort of maternal bond with Isaac, there is definitely a bond with him and his daddies. A bond that overrides my fears and uncertainties and that has motivated me to getting my ass on that plane! Now it may sound like I am dreading the trip. I really am not. I am just dreading the flight and navigating a foreign country. There are so many things that we are wanting to see and do that I am not sure that there are enough hours in the day for us to do them!
The second most popular question is "will you do it again?" Yes. Without hesitation, as soon as his parents are ready for a sibling my ass will be a pin cushion again. I really miss being pregnant. I'm so jealous seeing all of my surro sister's baby bumps! Even with the shots, sickness, aches, pains and birthing process, I miss being pregnant! There is something magical about watching your body change and feeling another life inside of you. A surrogate pregnancy is even better because there is no worry about preparing for a baby, I just get to enjoy growing life! I don't think that I will pump as long next time though. That shit was hard work! Now that I have a full time job, there just is no way that I could pump like I did. I will pump for a few weeks though. There are just too many benefits of breast milk to waste it, and I still hold out hope that they will want this baby breastfed while they are in the US ;)
So as you can see, our journey has not ended. Two and a half years from the time I got the crazy idea in my head to carry a baby for strangers (at the time) and our story is still being written!
Now the best part..... an updated picture of Isaac! He is seriously one of the cutest babies I have ever seen!!
Thursday, February 5, 2015
8 Months
I know that I say this time and time again, but I really do not know where the time has gone! Isaac is now 8 months old! He is getting so big and he is so adorable! If you were to go through my phone you would probably see just as many pictures of him as you do of my kids. I love getting to watch him and his family through pictures and Skype. I still hear horror stories of surros who never get to have contact with their surro families after birth and I am so blessed that I can contact them any time I want and that they are so willing to share their lives with me! I really thought that the "pay off" for me would be when Isaac got to meet his daddies for the first time but really it keeps getting better. Through social media and lots of emails I am able to see just how loved and adored Isaac is, not only by his daddies, but by all of their friends and family. I get to see the joy on his daddies faces when they talk about him and how excited they are as he reaches every milestone. It is so rewarding to know that I played a part in bringing him into the world!
I cannot wait for them to be ready for #2! Yes, at 8 months postpartum I cannot wait to be pregnant again! Let me just be clear that I mean for someone else!! A few weeks ago I had my tubes tied, my bio-baby maker is officially closed! I have a feeling that it will be a little while longer until they are ready though since they have the hard part now!
I am feeling pretty much back to normal. I have lost just about all of the baby weight. Ok, the scales say that I am still holding on to 10 pounds, but the scale does not adjust for how ginormous my pumping boobs are. Seriously, they are still out of control. If I go by how my pants fit I am there if not a little smaller. Although I am not as toned as I was. I have not been able to find a spot for exercise in my 3 kids and work schedule, but boy do I miss it. Don't tell my mom ( because she will nag the shit out of me :) ) but I really miss running! I tried it at the end of the summer but it was too much.
One would think that I would have a good routine down by now and have spare time but the reality is that work, kids and pumping is my life. Yes I am still pumping. My milk has now fed 8 babies! I send most of my milk to a little boy is San Francisco that is only about 2 weeks older than Isaac. I have sent over 110 gallons of milk to babies and still have over 3000 ounces in storage.
Pumping isn't that hard! Yeah, if you thought that you obviously have never done it!! Pumping is a bitch. Almost every time I hook up I have to ask myself why in the world I keep doing it. Here is what my day looks like. I get up at 5, pump for a half hour, take a shower, get kids ready and to school. Pump on my way to work. Yes, I pump and drive. Then I pump in the middle of the day and on my way to pick the kids up. I pump while I make dinner and my last pump of the day is around 9. Every day I pump 5-6 times for a total of 2+ hours. If I am going to be gone more than 2 hours or so I have to take my pump and ice chest with me. I even pumped at a Luke Bryan concert. I also have to bag, store and ship milk. My boobs are a huge part of my life!
Then there are the physical demands of pumping. My nipples hurt. If someone told you that they toughen up and it stops hurting after a while they LIED! I also have to think about everything I do to my body. Every time I go to a doctor or the dentist I have to check any medication I am given and then answer a ton of questions about "my" baby, why I don't have one and where all of the milk goes. If I want to eat something I have to consider what it may do to a baby's tummy. If I want to have more that one drink I have to consider that I may have to dump the precious milk that I pump. Oh God, and food. I am hungry ALL THE TIME! Breast milk burns about 20 calories per ounce so I burn almost 1000 calories a day just by being a cow. Great for losing weight EXCEPT that if I do not eat enough my supply drops. If I exercise to much it drops too. When I nursed the girls it was not as stressful because I never knew the exact amount that they were getting. Now I have an app that tracks how much I produce and when it drops I stress!
But then I remember all of the benefits to the babies and me. I can't forget the medical uses for milk too. The kids love to tell me that they have some ailment because they know I will always suggest milk first. So far my friends and family have used milk to treat sore throats (that was Noah and he didn't know it was boob milk ;) ) eye irritation, ear aches, acne, burns, dry skin and even a scratch on my dog. It really does work miracles!
I am still getting questions about how I am doing emotionally. I am ok. I am stressed as ever and overwhelmed with life stuff but surrogacy is not one of the stresses. It is still one of the best things I have ever done. Growing Isaac changed my whole family. We got to truly experience love and acceptance and as a result our family grew by 3 boys!! Surrogacy is not for everyone. There is a lot to it both physically and emotionally, but I am finding more and more women that do it. Just locally I have connected with quite a few surros. Let me tell you, we are an interesting group of women! But I am grateful to have found others who KNOW what it is like and who support each other through the whole process. I have even had the opportunity to talk to a few women who have considered maybe helping another family have a baby. Recruiting a new surrogate has become a goal for me. It has been such a great experience for us all that I would love to help someone else experience it.
Here is a new picture of sweet Isaac. The other one is one of the 2 freezers that my boobie buddy's family has. They are both packed full of my milk, he currently has enough to last him past his first birthday!
Thank you all for your love, support, openness and questions through out this process and I look forward to continuing to share our journey!
I cannot wait for them to be ready for #2! Yes, at 8 months postpartum I cannot wait to be pregnant again! Let me just be clear that I mean for someone else!! A few weeks ago I had my tubes tied, my bio-baby maker is officially closed! I have a feeling that it will be a little while longer until they are ready though since they have the hard part now!
I am feeling pretty much back to normal. I have lost just about all of the baby weight. Ok, the scales say that I am still holding on to 10 pounds, but the scale does not adjust for how ginormous my pumping boobs are. Seriously, they are still out of control. If I go by how my pants fit I am there if not a little smaller. Although I am not as toned as I was. I have not been able to find a spot for exercise in my 3 kids and work schedule, but boy do I miss it. Don't tell my mom ( because she will nag the shit out of me :) ) but I really miss running! I tried it at the end of the summer but it was too much.
One would think that I would have a good routine down by now and have spare time but the reality is that work, kids and pumping is my life. Yes I am still pumping. My milk has now fed 8 babies! I send most of my milk to a little boy is San Francisco that is only about 2 weeks older than Isaac. I have sent over 110 gallons of milk to babies and still have over 3000 ounces in storage.
Pumping isn't that hard! Yeah, if you thought that you obviously have never done it!! Pumping is a bitch. Almost every time I hook up I have to ask myself why in the world I keep doing it. Here is what my day looks like. I get up at 5, pump for a half hour, take a shower, get kids ready and to school. Pump on my way to work. Yes, I pump and drive. Then I pump in the middle of the day and on my way to pick the kids up. I pump while I make dinner and my last pump of the day is around 9. Every day I pump 5-6 times for a total of 2+ hours. If I am going to be gone more than 2 hours or so I have to take my pump and ice chest with me. I even pumped at a Luke Bryan concert. I also have to bag, store and ship milk. My boobs are a huge part of my life!
Then there are the physical demands of pumping. My nipples hurt. If someone told you that they toughen up and it stops hurting after a while they LIED! I also have to think about everything I do to my body. Every time I go to a doctor or the dentist I have to check any medication I am given and then answer a ton of questions about "my" baby, why I don't have one and where all of the milk goes. If I want to eat something I have to consider what it may do to a baby's tummy. If I want to have more that one drink I have to consider that I may have to dump the precious milk that I pump. Oh God, and food. I am hungry ALL THE TIME! Breast milk burns about 20 calories per ounce so I burn almost 1000 calories a day just by being a cow. Great for losing weight EXCEPT that if I do not eat enough my supply drops. If I exercise to much it drops too. When I nursed the girls it was not as stressful because I never knew the exact amount that they were getting. Now I have an app that tracks how much I produce and when it drops I stress!
But then I remember all of the benefits to the babies and me. I can't forget the medical uses for milk too. The kids love to tell me that they have some ailment because they know I will always suggest milk first. So far my friends and family have used milk to treat sore throats (that was Noah and he didn't know it was boob milk ;) ) eye irritation, ear aches, acne, burns, dry skin and even a scratch on my dog. It really does work miracles!
I am still getting questions about how I am doing emotionally. I am ok. I am stressed as ever and overwhelmed with life stuff but surrogacy is not one of the stresses. It is still one of the best things I have ever done. Growing Isaac changed my whole family. We got to truly experience love and acceptance and as a result our family grew by 3 boys!! Surrogacy is not for everyone. There is a lot to it both physically and emotionally, but I am finding more and more women that do it. Just locally I have connected with quite a few surros. Let me tell you, we are an interesting group of women! But I am grateful to have found others who KNOW what it is like and who support each other through the whole process. I have even had the opportunity to talk to a few women who have considered maybe helping another family have a baby. Recruiting a new surrogate has become a goal for me. It has been such a great experience for us all that I would love to help someone else experience it.
Here is a new picture of sweet Isaac. The other one is one of the 2 freezers that my boobie buddy's family has. They are both packed full of my milk, he currently has enough to last him past his first birthday!
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