It has been a long time since I last updated, that is because I wanted to wait until I had BIG news. There has been so much going on in the last few months. After I returned from Paris the talk began of baby #2. That meant that I had to get disciplined and lose some more weight. There wasn't a huge rush so I wasn't really pushing then one day it went from talking to taking action! I filled out the application to reapply to the agency and after that it went quickly. I really had to push to lose 10 pounds so I could screen and I did it!
The screenings.... If you remember from so long ago last time the trip to LA for screenings was crazy... delayed flights and little sleep, crazy cab rides and LOTS of tests. This time it hit me just how much the process of surrogacy had allowed me to grow, THIS time I chose to go to LA ALONE!! That's right, George stayed home to keep the kids in line and I drove to Sacramento, navigated the airports and LA all by myself! I was a little nervous once I got to LA but it was super easy. There was a car waiting for me and the driver was really nice and talkative this time, not like the scary Mafia man we had last time. He pointed out some of the interesting sights as we drove which was neat. The hotel was beautiful and this time I got to RELAX!! This trip we used Uber instead of taxis, WHAT A DIFFERENCE!! I rode in 2 suburbans and a Tesla! That's right, a freaking Tesla! It was so cool, there were so many buttons and things I could have played with if I was sitting in the front, BUT I wasn't so I just took Snapchats to send to the kids! The drivers were not bat shit crazy like the cab drivers and on the ride to the airport the driver even had a charger for my phone!
The psych testing was interesting. I took the 567 computer question MMPI which was so boring, but must have shown that I am not a total nut case because I passed. The interview portion was pertty standard. We talked about many of the same things as last time, thoughts on specific topics, relationship with the parents and then a little about me, and this is where I got choked up and the tears started flowing. See I was asked about my proudest moment. This is how my response went: I have given birth to 2 beautiful and amazing babies that are now growing into amazing women. I survived being a single mom, I was a teen mom that people doubted would graduate high school and I now have a Masters degree.... but those are not my proudest moment. I took out my phone and showed the interviewer a picture from D&G's wedding where they are holding Isaac and they all look so happy. With tears running down my face I told him THIS is my proudest moment. I got to play a part in making those smiles. I did something that not everyone can do. Helping make this family is my proudest moment. It was very moving to be back where it all started moving forward to growing a sibling for Isaac.
After the Psych eval I had about an hour to waste until I had to leave for Pasadena for the medical portion. I was so hungry and the road in front of the building was lined with food trucks, BUT I knew I was cutting it close on making the weight I needed to screen so I chose not to eat anything. I regretted that later in the day because it was 5:00 before I got to eat anything. There was a bit of a wait at the Dr's. They first took blood....a lot of blood! Then urine, which was, for once in my life, hard to do since I hadn't really drank anything. Then I waited some more before the nurse took me back. She talked a bit and took my blood pressure then it was time for weight.... I was 2 pounds over what I had weighed at home!!! Now I had not eaten anything in over 12 hours, I chose my lightest clothes and I was still 2 pounds above where I needed to be. I think the nurse must have sensed my horror because she told me that it was fine and I was close enough. The Dr wasn't available so I saw his Physicians Assistant. She was so sweet! We chatted and talked about all kinds of unconventional stuff to make me feel more comfortable.... tattoos, waxing and piercings... before I knew it I was done and everything looked good. Now we wait the 2 weeks to get all of the results back.
It was a bit of a rush back to the airport but I made it. The rest of the trip was uneventful. I got legal clearance a couple of days ago and we are set up for a match meeting to make sure that we still like each other :) From there it is legal and baby making. I wish this was where the story ended, but there is another not so great part that is important. Through my last journey I was blessed with so much love and acceptance of the fact that I was helping create a family that I couldn't imagine anyone holding it against me. Well I think that has happened this time. I have no proof, it is just a feeling I have and the ONLY answer I can think of.
Back in March I landed my dream job as a school counselor. I got paid WELL to help kids feel better. I worked the same schedule as my kids, I could not ask for more. This year I was transferred to a school that I LOVED! I quickly made some relationships with staff and kids and I felt I had found a good routine. I had a caseload of 50 kids and 8 groups. I was spending time in classrooms and individually with kids. It was all I could have asked for. So when I started needing a couple of hours off to have some tests done and it was casually asked if I was ok, I didn't hesitate to be honest and tell the admin where I was working about the surrogacy. I covered the basics, how I explain the pregnancy to the kids and how I work until I deliver and planned to return as soon as I could. It was all good and nothing more was said. a few weeks later I let them know I was taking a day off for medical appointments in LA. When I returned I was asked if I had transferred and I explained that I just had screenings and tests and that it would be a month or two at least before we got pregnant. It was quite casual and I thought nothing of it. The admin seemed supportive. Now Fast Forward to the end of the week. As I finished my last group of the week and was saying goodbye to a trainee that had been helping with my group I noticed the superintendent, who is my boss, I didn't think much of it and continued with closing out the day. When he came to my office I was a little surprised because in the time I had worked there I rarely had a one on one conversation with him. That is when it hit me that something was up. He was with someone from HR. He told me to sit down and that he had some bad news. He explained that I was still on probationary employment, for 14 more days, and that they had decided that it was not a good fit. He asked if I had any questions and I told him that I was really surprised since I had not heard any negative comments about my performance or constructive criticism or suggestions on things to do differently. I thought that everything was going well. The staff and kids seemed to like me and I was BUSY. All he would say is that it was not a good fit and that he could not say anything more. I was devastated. I had no idea what the real reason for my job loss was. I was heartbroken to lose a job I LOVED and poured my hear into. I was sad that I wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye to the kids I had built relationships with.
I had plans to go away that weekend, and I did. I tried not to stress about losing my job. Then Monday came. I didn't get up for work. I tried to look for a job and realized that there were very few jobs and they paid A LOT less than what I was making. It got me down..... really down. I looked at every possible thing that I could have done wrong or not good enough. The ONLY thing I could think of was that the surrogacy. I know that I was doing good work with the kids. I was there early and worked late, but I was planning a pregnancy that was non-traditional. For a little bit I was pissed!! How dare they end my job for something so beautiful. Is it legal? Of course, they covered their ass by letting me go before my probation was over and only saying it wasn't a good fit. But in my heart I know that this is the only reason I had given them for feeling that way. Now I am back to this must be a part of Gods plan that I am not meant to understand. I also know that if I would have been given the choice of keeping my job or carrying another baby for D & G I would have chose the baby. I may have a lot of flaws, but standing up for what I believe in is not one of them. I have already had a job interview, and I let them know about the surrogacy. Some may think that is a dumb move, but I believe in being honest. I don't want to surprise a new employer with a pregnancy a few months in. If a surrogate pregnancy is enough of a reason not to hire me then it is not the right place for me. I am passionate about what I do, and I am really good with kids, I believe that there is a better place for me that will see and appreciate that. Until I find it I will continue to stand up for what I believe is the right thing for me and my family, and that is carrying a sibling. It makes me sad that there are people who don't ask questions about it and operate on assumptions, or that they are so narrow minded that they make decisions out of fear and lack of information and facts. This may all be an assumption. My job loss may have nothing to do with the surrogacy, but it is quite a coincidence that I was let go just a week after taking a day off for screenings. I am still adjusting and accepting the loss. I am battling the urge to get down and give up. But besides my own children that keep me going, I have the light of hope. Hope of carrying another baby that will add to the joy and love of another family. I do not have a hesitation or question in my mind that surrogacy is something I am meant to do. God gave me the gift of easy pregnancies and a heart for helping others. I am sad that not everyone sees it as a good thing, but I know it is a part of HIS plan for me and I have to trust right now that our needs will be met while I follow that path.
Next up..... legal contracts, my LEAST favorite part! Thank you all for your love and support and I look forward to sharing journey #2!
