Yesterday I got the email that I had been waiting for all weekend, we are officially matched! I am so very excited, the staff at GG really found the perfect match for us. Today, after weeks of nerves and stress, I am at peace. I am grateful that I was connected to people that want a relationship and not just a business arrangement. This is such an intimate process and journey, I could not imagine not building a relationship with the parents. And especially these parents. Wow is all I can say. I know they will give a baby such a wonderful, loving home. One thing that really impressed me is that they know they don't know what to expect from parenting! That is so profound. How many times do you hear people without kids say "my kid will never do that!" "or I would never parent like that", in my experience as a teacher, those parents had the most shitty kids! I so appreciate, " I don't know what I am doing, but I am going to try my best and hope the kid turns out ok". It has taken me YEARS of child development education and experience and 3 kids to finally feel like, just maybe, I have an idea of what I am doing.
I am grateful for the out pouring of support that I have received since we announced our decision to become a surrogate. We live in such a small community, I really thought there would be more people opposed to the idea, but if there is no one has said anything to me. It really wouldn't matter if they did though, I am 100% confident that I am doing the right thing and that this is God's plan for me. I am here to model love and acceptance of others and to help other people. But I am not alone in this journey. I have an extremely supportive family. I know that I could ask any one of my parents for help at anytime and they would be there. My parents taught me to stand strong in what I believe is right, and I do. Many times I put my needs aside to keep the peace and avoid conflicts, but when it is a matter of what is right I am able to be strong and have unwavering faith in my choices. I also have pretty amazing kids who have also been given the gift of love. They do not see color, race, disabilities or sexual orientation, they see people. People are meant to be loved and respected, they do not question that and cannot understand why others judge and hate so much. And I am blessed to have found a man who loves and accepts me and supports me through all of my journeys in life. When we met almost 6 years ago we had no idea where things would go, but today we are blessed with a strong marriage and a true dedication to each other, even through our differences. He is patient with me and at least tries to understand all of my little quirks, like changing my clothes a million times because something feels funny, or psychotically arranging my 10 pillow just perfect, or having to park in the same spot at the store so I don't get lost! He has worked so hard to make all of my dreams come true. I can be a little difficult at times, I may even throw a fit and pout to get my way, but he knows when something is important to me and I can count on him to support me in my endevors.
It is all coming clear to me that things happen for a reason. We go through pain to find peace and happiness. My first marriage ended so that I could be led to George. I did not have a baby of my own when I wanted it so I could open my heart to a little boy in need and so that I could appreciate that desire in someone else and give them a child. I am such a cry baby so that I can show love and compassion. Everyday I see a million things happening that make me aware of the reason for pain in the past. Maybe not just pain either, maybe discomfort is a better word, or change. Yes, I like change. I have gone through numerous changes over the past few years that have evolved me into the person that I am. I experienced discomfort through some of them, but I have grown an become a better person. Yes, so today I am at peace and grateful for each and every person that has supported me, not just in my decision to become a surrogate but over the years. I really appreciate the kind words and encouragement so many of you have given. I am proud to be on this journey and excited that so many of you are eager to hear about what is going on. I was shocked when I saw how many people had read my blog. I didn't think I had that many friends! LOL Maybe people just want to know what in the hell I am thinking??
I wish my passion for this surrogacy would transfer to a passion for writing papers on group therapy!! I have successfully procrastinated on doing my homework another hour!! I just really needed to let everyone know how grateful I am and I hope you are all motivated by my experiences to reach out and help someone, even in a little way. Today I am sharing my blog link with my IPS, it is my hope that they enjoy learning about the process that brought us together and feel even more comforted that I am dedicated to helping to make their dreams of becoming parents come true!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Meeting the Parents!
Meeting the parents that I will be carrying a baby for was absolutely nerve wracking! I stressed for weeks, but days before I wasn't sleeping well and quite nervous! We left Thursday night for our jacuzzi suite. It was beautiful and so relaxing! I am totally guilty of eating in the tub as well as watching Grays Anatomy in there! But that is where the relaxing ended. When I tried to go to sleep I noticed how loud the hotel was, there were cars going by and loud neighbors. It sounded like we were next to a herd of elephants! Then I noticed the beam of light shining all of the way around the door. When I sleep there has to be silence and complete darkness, I have black out curtains and I cover all of the clocks so it was hard for me to go to sleep. Then at 3:30 I woke up wide awake! It hit me that in a few hours I would meet them, the people who were a few pictures and a story to me would be sitting in a room with us trying to decide if I had what they were looking for in someone to have their baby. That was when I started really stressing!
Once we got on the plane, I got a little more nervous! When we landed I really thought I might throw up. We were in the same town as them. These people had flown from the other side of the world to meet ME. The cab ride to Growing Generations was slightly less scary than the first time, or maybe I was too nervous to notice. We got to GG about a half hour early. I was way too nervous to actually go in so we went to a little cafe so George could get a snack, I was not brave enough to eat at this point. I was minutes away from meeting two people who will become very important to me. George finally convinced me to go up to the office about 15 minutes early. We arrived before our IPs (intended parents) and were greeted by the staff then escorted into a room to wait. That is when I really got scared! I actually thought of leaving and going for a quick run to calm down.... but the dress and heels stopped me! Then our IPS arrived. They were kept in the waiting room for a bit which almost killed me!! I went from wanting to puke to on the verge of tears, I couldn't tell you exactly why I was so emotional but I was.
Then the moment of truth..... the psychologist brought our IPS in the room with us. We were greeted with warm hugs from everyone. It was still a little awkward as we were guided through formal questions but as they were answering questions I just kept thinking, Yes, that is exactly how I feel about this. I started feeling much better. I was really nervous at first because they kept looking at me, yes it is normal to look at someone when they are speaking but I felt like it was the moment of truth. They were sizing me up to decide if they wanted me to carry their baby!! Then the psychologist, who had been leading the meeting said that we had about 5 hours left and that we should spend the entire time together getting to know one another. I was nervous again!! What if we had nothing to talk about? What if they didn't like us outside of the office? We were going to lunch, what if they think I am crazy because I am so picky? But I was pleasantly surprised. We had so much in common! I shared crazy sleep habits and lack of geographical memory with one and a love for shopping and Grays Anatomy with the other just to name a few things! We laughed and talked the whole time, there were no awkward silent moments, they had so many questions for us. They had done their homework on us as well, they had already found out all bout our tiny little community and the surrounding areas. We ended up going to Santa Monica, which was great. The drive was a little scary, I must admit! Partly because of the driver :) (one of our IPS) and partly because of traffic, I am not cut out for traffic like that! Thank God I had the other IP next to me for a distraction! I didn't get to walk on the beach in Santa Monica, but we went out on the pier to take a picture for my daughter. Then before I knew it, it was time to call the cab to take us back to the airport. It went so fast and I could have spent the whole evening with them. As we said goodbye I really felt that we had made a connection and that they were the ones for us. I was in awe of how well we got along. As I thought of all of the things I will be putting myself through, diet and activity restrictions, shots, travel, pregnancy pains, and hopefully a drug free delivery I was struck with the notion that I do not have a second thought about doing any of it for these two amazing people. They are so deserving and have such a desire to love and raise a baby of their own that any discomfort I may have is totally worth it.
Nothing is set in stone at this point. I emailed the agency on my way to the airport and told them that I was 100% sure this is who I wanted but they could still said no. I won't know for sure until tomorrow but I am confident that they will say yes as well. So if that happens we will do contracts and then in 2-4 months we will do the transfer. I was excited to find out that at least one of the IPs come to California pretty regularly so they may be able to attend appointments and visit more often than I expected. I am really happy about that, this is going to be their pregnancy, just in my body. I want them to experience it all. They also plan on being here for a few weeks before and after delivery which is exciting as well. I will end with some pictures that our IPs took of us and hopefully my next update will be saying that we are officially matched!
Then the moment of truth..... the psychologist brought our IPS in the room with us. We were greeted with warm hugs from everyone. It was still a little awkward as we were guided through formal questions but as they were answering questions I just kept thinking, Yes, that is exactly how I feel about this. I started feeling much better. I was really nervous at first because they kept looking at me, yes it is normal to look at someone when they are speaking but I felt like it was the moment of truth. They were sizing me up to decide if they wanted me to carry their baby!! Then the psychologist, who had been leading the meeting said that we had about 5 hours left and that we should spend the entire time together getting to know one another. I was nervous again!! What if we had nothing to talk about? What if they didn't like us outside of the office? We were going to lunch, what if they think I am crazy because I am so picky? But I was pleasantly surprised. We had so much in common! I shared crazy sleep habits and lack of geographical memory with one and a love for shopping and Grays Anatomy with the other just to name a few things! We laughed and talked the whole time, there were no awkward silent moments, they had so many questions for us. They had done their homework on us as well, they had already found out all bout our tiny little community and the surrounding areas. We ended up going to Santa Monica, which was great. The drive was a little scary, I must admit! Partly because of the driver :) (one of our IPS) and partly because of traffic, I am not cut out for traffic like that! Thank God I had the other IP next to me for a distraction! I didn't get to walk on the beach in Santa Monica, but we went out on the pier to take a picture for my daughter. Then before I knew it, it was time to call the cab to take us back to the airport. It went so fast and I could have spent the whole evening with them. As we said goodbye I really felt that we had made a connection and that they were the ones for us. I was in awe of how well we got along. As I thought of all of the things I will be putting myself through, diet and activity restrictions, shots, travel, pregnancy pains, and hopefully a drug free delivery I was struck with the notion that I do not have a second thought about doing any of it for these two amazing people. They are so deserving and have such a desire to love and raise a baby of their own that any discomfort I may have is totally worth it.
Nothing is set in stone at this point. I emailed the agency on my way to the airport and told them that I was 100% sure this is who I wanted but they could still said no. I won't know for sure until tomorrow but I am confident that they will say yes as well. So if that happens we will do contracts and then in 2-4 months we will do the transfer. I was excited to find out that at least one of the IPs come to California pretty regularly so they may be able to attend appointments and visit more often than I expected. I am really happy about that, this is going to be their pregnancy, just in my body. I want them to experience it all. They also plan on being here for a few weeks before and after delivery which is exciting as well. I will end with some pictures that our IPs took of us and hopefully my next update will be saying that we are officially matched!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Travel Time!!
It is almost time for us to go to LA to meet our Intended Parents!! We leave tomorrow night and will stay closer to the airport, then Friday is our big day! I am excited for us to have a kid free night before we go! Yea for jacuzzi suites! I am getting more nervous about meeting the IP's. What if they travel from the other side of the world and hate me? I worry that they won't like me wanting to work out during the pregnancy, or that I want to wait until after my 5K to get pregnant. They have been waiting so long already!! I am trying to trust God that these are the parents I am supposed to carry for and that everything will work out, but it is hard not to have doubts!
I am trying to get everything in order for our trip.There is so much to do! I am making a schedule for my mom for the kids and their activities and then I have my dogs to consider as well. They have their own schedule and routine! I owe my mom big! Our plane leaves Sacramento at 9 am and we won't return until 9 pm. Then 2+ hours of driving home! It will be worth it though. I have such a strong feeling that this is the couple for us!
I keep hearing horror stories from other surros about their IP's but I am confident that these people will be wonderful! I keep reading their profile over and over and think I have a good feel for who they are and they immense support they will have to bring their baby home to. I will not be disclosing any information about the parents so that their confidentiality is up held, but I hope that you all would hold us in your thoughts and prayers that we have safe travel and that it is a good fit and instant connection! I hope to have good news to report upon our return!
It has been really hard to keep up with school through this process. I am so distracted by nerves, doubts and anticipation that I struggle to stay on task and pay attention. I hope that I will focus better once I am officially matched! I know that there will be new issues that arise with becoming pregnant and then the pregnancy myself, but I think that knowing that I have people who have my back and are rooting for things to go well will help! This week has been especially hard. As I am trying to get everything in line, I am preparing a presentation (on self care of all things! LOL) and trying to think about 2 papers that are due soon. There is so much to do! I cannot wait for spring break in a couple of weeks!
Here's to a great match meeting and a smooth journey ahead of us!
I am trying to get everything in order for our trip.There is so much to do! I am making a schedule for my mom for the kids and their activities and then I have my dogs to consider as well. They have their own schedule and routine! I owe my mom big! Our plane leaves Sacramento at 9 am and we won't return until 9 pm. Then 2+ hours of driving home! It will be worth it though. I have such a strong feeling that this is the couple for us!
I keep hearing horror stories from other surros about their IP's but I am confident that these people will be wonderful! I keep reading their profile over and over and think I have a good feel for who they are and they immense support they will have to bring their baby home to. I will not be disclosing any information about the parents so that their confidentiality is up held, but I hope that you all would hold us in your thoughts and prayers that we have safe travel and that it is a good fit and instant connection! I hope to have good news to report upon our return!
It has been really hard to keep up with school through this process. I am so distracted by nerves, doubts and anticipation that I struggle to stay on task and pay attention. I hope that I will focus better once I am officially matched! I know that there will be new issues that arise with becoming pregnant and then the pregnancy myself, but I think that knowing that I have people who have my back and are rooting for things to go well will help! This week has been especially hard. As I am trying to get everything in line, I am preparing a presentation (on self care of all things! LOL) and trying to think about 2 papers that are due soon. There is so much to do! I cannot wait for spring break in a couple of weeks!
Here's to a great match meeting and a smooth journey ahead of us!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
waiting
We are excitedly waiting until March 22, when we get to meet the intended parents face to face for the first time! I am so nervous about the meeting! I have already picked out my outfit, ok, I bought a new outfit just for the meeting! And shoes :) I can't help it, I want to make a good first impression! I am so worried that they wont like me after flying around the world to meet me. I do think that if they liked my awkward profile, they will like me in person though. I just couldn't imagine having to choose Ips again. I want this couple!! I am trying to just trust that it will all be ok. The wait is wearing on me. I am totally distracted all the time. I really wish that the agency would allow us to Skype or email ahead of time to start building a relationship, but I trust that there is a reason that they do it this way. To alleviate some of the stress, I booked a jacuzzi suite for my husband and I for the night before the meeting. It will be so nice to have some alone time and relax! I am very grateful that my mom is willing to help with the kids and dogs! She is even going to stay at our house again so it is easier on them. She will be busy! They all had fun last time, but this time the girls will have dance class and not go to their dad's. There is so much involved in us being gone just for a little over 24 hours!! I really hope that we do not have to do this again!! The transfer will be easier because George does not have to go so he can take care of everything!
I am already trying to figure out when a transfer could happen, hopefully not until after the 5K I just registered for on April 27th! Running in a 5K has been a goal of mine since I started running in August. I have been trying to train regularly so that I can hopefully run most of it and get a good time. I am excited for this one, it's called Gnarley Neon, and I am not quite sure how it works, but you start the course out wearing white, by the end you have been showered with all sorts of neon colors!! The best part for me is that I will be running with my niece, my daughters and my mom!
It is still a little surreal to come to realize that this is really happening. In a few months I could be pregnant with a baby for a really great couple that cannot have children on their own. I have to admit that I am a little scared about doing the shots that I will have to do about a month before the transfer and a few months after. One uses a small needle ( like used for insulin) and will be injected into my stomach. I am not so worried about that one. I have so much extra skin from my weight loss that I don't expect to feel that one at all. BUT there is another one (or two??) that use a bigger needle and go into my hip/butt. I don't know if I can do that one! I may have to recruit George for that! Kaylee (my 9 year old) offered to do it but I am not sure I can go for that!
So now I have to brag a little about my husband. He really has been great about this dream of mine. After we got all of the information he has been very supportive and involved. He is having to miss work for our trips to LA and has not complained one bit. Plus I imagine it will be a little awkward for him to answer questions about the process. It is not everyday that your wife gets pregnant and it is not yours! He has really stood by me and made me feel like this is not something that I am doing, but something that WE are doing! Well that is enough for now, I will try to do another update before our trip!
I am already trying to figure out when a transfer could happen, hopefully not until after the 5K I just registered for on April 27th! Running in a 5K has been a goal of mine since I started running in August. I have been trying to train regularly so that I can hopefully run most of it and get a good time. I am excited for this one, it's called Gnarley Neon, and I am not quite sure how it works, but you start the course out wearing white, by the end you have been showered with all sorts of neon colors!! The best part for me is that I will be running with my niece, my daughters and my mom!
It is still a little surreal to come to realize that this is really happening. In a few months I could be pregnant with a baby for a really great couple that cannot have children on their own. I have to admit that I am a little scared about doing the shots that I will have to do about a month before the transfer and a few months after. One uses a small needle ( like used for insulin) and will be injected into my stomach. I am not so worried about that one. I have so much extra skin from my weight loss that I don't expect to feel that one at all. BUT there is another one (or two??) that use a bigger needle and go into my hip/butt. I don't know if I can do that one! I may have to recruit George for that! Kaylee (my 9 year old) offered to do it but I am not sure I can go for that!
So now I have to brag a little about my husband. He really has been great about this dream of mine. After we got all of the information he has been very supportive and involved. He is having to miss work for our trips to LA and has not complained one bit. Plus I imagine it will be a little awkward for him to answer questions about the process. It is not everyday that your wife gets pregnant and it is not yours! He has really stood by me and made me feel like this is not something that I am doing, but something that WE are doing! Well that is enough for now, I will try to do another update before our trip!
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