Peace

Yesterday I got the email that I had been waiting for all weekend, we are officially matched! I am so very excited, the staff at GG really found the perfect match for us. Today, after weeks of nerves and stress, I am at peace. I am grateful that I was connected to people that want a relationship and not just a business arrangement. This is such an intimate process and journey, I could not imagine not building a relationship with the parents. And especially these parents. Wow is all I can say. I know they will give a baby such a wonderful, loving home. One thing that really impressed me is that they know they don't know what to expect from parenting! That is so profound. How many times do you hear people without kids say "my kid will never do that!" "or I would never parent like that", in my experience as a teacher, those parents had the most shitty kids! I so appreciate, " I don't know what I am doing, but I am going to try my best and hope the kid turns out ok". It has taken me YEARS of child development education and experience and 3 kids to finally feel like, just maybe, I have an idea of what I am doing.
   I am grateful for the out pouring of support that I have received since we announced our decision to become a surrogate. We live in such a small community, I really thought there would be more people opposed to the idea, but if there is no one has said anything to me. It really wouldn't matter if they did though, I am 100% confident that I am doing the right thing and that this is God's plan for me. I am here to model love and acceptance of others and to help other people. But I am not alone in this journey. I have an extremely supportive family. I know that I could ask any one of my parents for help at anytime and they would be there. My parents taught me to stand strong in what I believe is right, and I do. Many times I put my needs aside to keep the peace and avoid conflicts, but when it is a matter of what is right I am able to be strong and have unwavering faith in my choices.  I also have pretty amazing kids who have also been given the gift of love. They do not see color, race, disabilities or sexual orientation, they see people. People are meant to be loved and respected, they do not question that and cannot understand why others judge and hate so much. And I am blessed to have found a man who loves and accepts me and supports me through all of my journeys in life. When we met almost 6 years ago we had no idea where things would go, but today we are blessed with a strong marriage and a true dedication to each other, even through our differences. He is patient with me and at least tries to understand all of my little quirks, like changing my clothes a million times because something feels funny, or psychotically arranging my 10 pillow just perfect, or having to park in the same spot at the store so I don't get lost! He has worked so hard to make all of my dreams come true. I can be a little difficult at times, I may even throw a fit and pout to get my way, but he knows when something is important to me and I can count on him to support me in my endevors.
     It is all coming clear to me that things happen for a reason. We go through pain to find peace and happiness. My first marriage ended so that I could be led to George. I did not have a baby of my own when I wanted it so I could open my heart to a little boy in need and so that I could appreciate that desire in someone else and give them a child. I am such a cry baby so that I can show love and compassion. Everyday I see a million things happening that make me aware of the reason for pain in the past. Maybe not just pain either, maybe discomfort is a better word, or change. Yes, I like change. I have gone through numerous changes over the past few years that have evolved me into the person that I am. I experienced discomfort through some of them, but I have grown an become a better person. Yes, so today I am at peace and grateful for each and every person that has supported me, not just in my decision to become a surrogate but over the years. I really appreciate the kind words and encouragement so many of you have given. I am proud to be on this journey and excited that so many of you are eager to hear about what is going on. I was shocked when I saw how many people had read my blog. I didn't think I had that many friends! LOL Maybe people just want to know what in the hell I am thinking??
   I wish my passion for this surrogacy would transfer to a passion for writing papers on group therapy!! I have successfully procrastinated on doing my homework another hour!! I just really needed to let everyone know how grateful I am and I hope you are all motivated by my experiences to reach out and help someone, even in a little way. Today I am sharing my blog link with my IPS, it is my hope that they enjoy learning about the process that brought us together and feel even more comforted that I am dedicated to helping to make their dreams of becoming parents come true!