The journey continues.....

   I have heard many surrogates say that when they quit pumping it was a sad time because they felt like it was a definite end to their journey. It was bitter sweet for me. I quit pumping the day Isaac turned 9 months. It was a relief not to have my life revolve around pumping, washing and storing. It has been nice to enjoy large amounts of caffeine and drink a beer too many! But, I now have to watch what I eat again because I am not burning a ton of calories pumping. I have also lost the ability to randomly squirt people. (yes, that is a perk of breastfeeding, nothing gets kids moving like the threat of boob milk). I can still hand express enough to treat minor ailments though, it will be a sad day when I can't do that anymore. And then there are the physical changes..... ugh. Remember the day of giant, out of control boobs? Well they have been replaced with balloons that were over inflated and then deflated until they were only about a quarter full. I'm not sure that I would have boobs at all if it wasn't for rolling and tucking of the empty stretched out skin! Shallow as it may sound, when I am done having babies I am getting a mommy make over. As much as I know about self acceptance and looking at all of the wonderful things my body has done, I know that I will be forever self critical until I can wear a bathing suit without an under wire and  not have to worry about the dreaded tummy apron. What the hell is that anyway? I know I have had big babies and gotten fat and then lost weight but I don't get why the skin that could stretch so far can miss the notice that it is time to suck back in! Seriously, it doesn't matter how much I work out, there are just things that don't firm up!
   Working out.... I remember peaceful runs by the river with my dog. Unfortunately, that is something that I have not been able to fit into my schedule yet. I hear all of the time, I have even said it myself, it only takes 30 minutes or an hour. The reality of my life is that I am up before the sun and don't stop until it is dark again! Yes, literally, that is what my days are like. Working full time again has been an adjustment and then add 3 nights a week at my old job and all of the kids stuff and I am one tired mama!  
   Through out the pregnancy the big question was "how could I give my baby away?", well that has changed now to "do you ever see him or talk to his parents?" Um, yes. We still Facetime and email regularly. We haven't seen each other in person since Isaac was 3 weeks old (he is 10 1/2 months now) but I still get to watch him grow and see what a happy little family they are! It just warms my heart to watch them interact and to know that I got to play a role in the creation of their family.
   Now, rewind to a year ago. We had all kinds of talk about seeing each other and visits, which sounded wonderful, but I had been warned from other surrogates about how once the parents got their baby home the relationship could fizzle out and we could drift apart. I am SO grateful that this had not been the case with us. I would say that we are as close as ever, just the roles are reversed! Where I would update them with Isaac's growth and development on the inside, they now update me with the same on the outside. I must say his cute little face is much nicer to look at than my growing tummy was! And now the best news..... In June my mom and I will get to go to Paris to spend a week with Isaac and his family! We are so grateful and blown away to have this opportunity. While I am excited to see the sights of Paris, I am more excited to see my surro family! Oh, but I am quite nervous too.
   If you know anything about me at all you know that one of my biggest fears is sharks. Well, in order to get to Paris you have to ply over an ocean FULL OF SHARKS! Yes I know that statistics on plane crashes and the likelihood that I would survive a crash and have to worry about sharks but it doesn't ease my mind any. And then there is the crowds, and the fact that I get lost easy or that I don't speak a word of french, so many uncertainties that make me want to just stay in my comfy little town and only visit through Facetime. BUT while there is not any sort of maternal bond with Isaac, there is definitely a bond with him and his daddies. A bond that overrides my fears and uncertainties and  that has motivated me to getting my ass on that plane! Now it may sound like I am dreading the trip. I really am not. I am just dreading the flight and navigating a foreign country. There are so many things that we are wanting to see and do that I am not sure that there are enough hours in the day for us to do them!
   The second most popular question is "will you do it again?" Yes. Without hesitation, as soon as his parents are ready for a sibling my ass will be a pin cushion again. I really miss being pregnant. I'm  so jealous seeing all of my surro sister's baby bumps! Even with the shots, sickness, aches, pains and birthing process, I miss being pregnant! There is something magical about watching your body change and feeling another life inside of you. A surrogate pregnancy is even better because there is no worry about preparing for a baby, I just get to enjoy growing life! I don't think that I will pump as long next time though. That shit was hard work! Now that I have a full time job, there just is no way that I could pump like I did. I will pump for a few weeks though. There are just too many benefits of breast milk to waste it, and I still hold out hope that they will want this baby breastfed while they are in the US ;)
   So as you can see, our journey has not ended. Two and a half years from the time I got the crazy idea in my head to carry a baby for strangers (at the time) and our story is still being written!

  Now the best part..... an updated picture of Isaac! He is seriously one of the cutest babies I have ever seen!!