Meeting Goals

   We are still moving very slow at this point in the surrogacy. We are still negotiating contracts. It is quite obvious that I should not be a lawyer. My thought is it should very simply say "don't be a dumb shit and only do what is best for the baby". Unfortunately, that is not the case. Every topic under the sun is covered. Some very specific, some quite vague. Like exercise, "no strenuous exercise", well what is considered strenuous?? The answer I got was basically that I had to pin the Dr.s down to specifically what I can and cannot do. There are a lot of food restrictions as well, luckily non of them are things I eat anyway! I have found this to be an area where the different cultures are evident. There is a lot of mention of unpasteurized stuff, I don't even know where to get anything unpasteurized, plus it sounds pretty gross! I also found out that deli meat is quite unhealthy for pregnant women. That was not something that was known when I was pregnant the last time. It is a little scary to think of all of the potential risks that are still unknown. Luckily I am pretty cautious during pregnancy. I limit caffeine, which is MAJOR for me, plus I rarely take any medication. Including my allergy meds, I will suffer with the allergies the whole time. It does appear that my allergy shots will be ok, which help a lot.
     I have found that there were a few things that I wish someone would have told me about before this point. Not that it would have changed my mind, I just would have been prepared. There were a few sections that had me literally saying " what the hell? That's crazy!" One of those were travel restrictions. I know that late in pregnancy there are flight restrictions and I was always told that if you were going more than 2 hours you had to stop and move around. This contract says after only 24 weeks (that is 16 weeks, or 4 months to go) I cannot travel more than 50 miles from the hospital. That kind of makes me feel like I am going to be stuck in a VERY small box for almost half of the pregnancy. My favorite place in the world, the beach, is 150 miles away :( If there was some reason that I needed to go get my step kids, I could not, they are over 75 miles away, even hiking at Lassen Park is out of the question. I could barely go as far south as Red Bluff! The reality is that by the time I am 6 months it will quite likely be winter and I wouldn't go many of those places anyway but the fact that I CANNOT go makes me panic a little. There just is not a lot within 50 miles of Redding! I am asking for 100, which will give me slightly more freedom. but not enough to make it to the beach :( I am not sure why this restriction has hit me so hard. I guess it is probably that I am so active that it is difficult to think that for 4 months I will be very limited as to what I can do. It is not a deal breaker, if I have to agree to the 50 miles, I will, but it will be very disappointing. I would never do anything that is a danger to the baby, but I also like to know that I can get away if I want to!

     Ok, enough whining! On the the goal I met. I ran my first 5K! It was awesome! My mom, Kaylee and I ran (most of it anyway) and Kimberly and Dallys walked. It was called a Gnarly Neon. What that means is you come to the run in white, then throughout the course there are people who shower you with a powder dye! It was so much fun! I tried to track the run on mapmyrun but for some reason it did not save, I guess I really did not need to know the time. It was so much fun that I have already pre-registered for another color run in October, although depending on what my OB classifies as strenuous, I may only be able to walk that one. I would also like to eventually run a timed race. BUT I know that I am not the best sport, so I cannot do that until I know that I can get a decent time, so most likely that will be after the baby is born. It still is a shock to me that I run for fun. A year ago I would have totally laughed if you told me that I would voluntarily sign up to run 3 miles. Now, I am still a little disappointed in myself because I think that after running pretty regularly for 8 months I should be faster and be able to run farther without stopping. I will continue to push myself to do better until the doctors tell me to stop. I do plan on being active throughout the pregnancy though, but maybe not running! I have attacked a few pictures of our run for you to see all of the fun!

Meeting the kids..

  My IPS were kind enough to take the time to Skype with my kids. I was a little nervous that one of my kids would say something totally inappropriate, but they were well behaved! I had asked the girls to think of some questions to ask, which I previewed to make sure they were ok Kaylee gave me a few but Kimberly, on the other hand thought of things off of the top of her head, which made me really nervous. Who knows what is going to come out of a teenager's mouth! The girls had a great time chatting and learning about our IPS and where they are from. They were really surprised at how much we all have in common, and then the moment that won my girls over.... My IPs mentioned Pitch Perfect! This is one of the girls' favorite movies. I have heard the cup song over and over and over and over. It was all I could do to keep them from busting out the cups during our session. I'm sure it will happen next time! It was great for me to see my kids connect with these people who are becoming so special to our family. We have continued to get to know each other by email as well. I really appreciate this, as I hear horror stories of IPs that are never in contact with their surrogates. I just couldn't imagine a relationship like that! Our IPs sent us some videos of their neighborhood which was really neat to see. Kaylee was compelled to make some of her own so that they can see our little corner of the world!
   As far as the process moving forward, I am sure that there is a lot going on behind the scenes but for us there has not been much. We received the  retainer letter from the attorney, which we returned the next day. I like to get my part done as soon as possible. If there is going to be a hold up, I do not want to be responsible for it! It is my understanding that they are now working out all of the legal contracts. I am SOOO glad that there is someone to do this for us. I would not have the foggiest idea what I was doing. I am trying not to go crazy waiting, but I am so impatient! I have been trying to focus on my running. My 5K is in a little over a week and I do not feel ready at all! I have decided that I am not going to run it for a time, I am going for the experience of doing a 5K, and doing it with my family. It looks like there will be a lot of people there, so I will not be able to run as I do on my own. I just can't leave my kids behind if they cannot keep up!

    The past few weeks have been a real test in my faith. I have really spent a lot of time exploring what, exactly, it is that I believe. Someone mentioned in passing that if a couple is unable to have a child, am I playing God by using science to make it happen? My thought is this: What if this is a test of faith of my willingness to help others? Maybe this is a part of a plan to bring families together and show that there is still goodness and kindness in the world. The Word says that God does not keep record of our sins. If He did he would have a VERY long list! That being said, I believe that it is the purity of heart that it judged when the time comes. So, if there is sin in helping someone create a family, I will own that, but I will still do it in confidence that it is the right thing. I know that in my heart there is honesty, love and acceptance. I know that I seek guidance and prayerfully make decisions. I left my previous church because I felt their practices were too narrow minded and judgmental. It is that hypocrisy that has given Christianity a bad name. I am happy to have a home church that has a more open and accepting view, although I have not discussed the surrogacy with any of the pastors, I think it would be seen as a positive thing. I am by no means a "model" Christian, I swear too much, I want too many worldly things, I struggle with letting my husband be the leader and so many other things that could be seen as "bad". But, I also know that our God is gracious and forgiving. I don't believe that my faith is better than anyone those of other people. This is what I choose to believe and when the day comes, if I have been wrong, I at least say that I found guidance and comfort in what I believed was the ultimate plan.
     In class we talked about something called the "acorn theory". This is the notion that we all have a destiny or purpose ingrained in us. It is often referred to as a calling, something we just know we were meant to do. That is how I feel about surrogacy. I knew when Kaylee was days old that I was meant to be a mom and to have babies. Once I found out about surrogacy I knew that was the direction I was supposed to go. It was the same when I chose IPs. I thought I knew who I should carry for but it was as if there was a tiny voice in my head telling me "no, not them, go this way". I see that as God's guidance. I tried not to listen because I did not think that those notions were accurate, but it did not work out. They were not who I was supposed to be with.  When I met these IPs I felt a sense of peace and knew this was right. It has been a perfect match so far! So what did I decide about my faith? I guess that I don't know! I believe that there is a God and that He has a plan and guides us as He sees fitting. As far as the details of day to day living and issues of life? I take it as it comes and trust my heart to help me make the best decision I can. I could make myself crazy trying to over think everything and every possibility. I choose to trust that everything happens for a reason and that I am on the path I am supposed to be on.

New relationships

This past week has been hectic for me! I just finished another class and have been frantically trying to finish the last of my assignments, I am still not done, but I have a couple more days! Every month I say that I will not procrastinate, but, by the time I think I understand the assignment enough to do it the class is almost over. I would not go back to regular semester courses though. A new class every month is great for me, it is fast paced and I feel like I am accomplishing something. Ok, enough about school, I know that is not why anyone follows my updates!
   This weeks surro update: Over the past week I have had the opportunity to get to know my IPs a little better by email, which has been great! I just love them! When I thought of what I would have to go through to have a baby for someone else (restrictions, shots ect.) I was willing to do it. BUT, when I think about it now it feels different, there is nothing I wouldn't do to give these parents their baby. I may feel a little different when the needles come out though :) My girls have had tons of questions about where my IPs are from, so they have been checking things out and learning about a new country, which has been fun for them. We had a video call earlier this week and it looks like if all goes well we should be starting meds mid May and transferring in June. That gives me 2 months to get into the shape that I want to be in when the pregnancy begins! I will have to work hard and push myself for sure but I am confident I can do it! Hopefully we will be able to skype soon, without the agency, so the girls can talk to out IPs as well. They drive me nuts asking 101 questions so I told them to write all of their questions down and they can ask our IPs when we chat! I have a feeling though that Kimberly will say hi and be done and Kaylee will be a little shy and not ask nearly as many questions as she has thought of! I am very appreciative that our IPs are willing to let my kids be involved. I think that is so important for them. I believe that building a relationship with our IPs will help them fully understand and process that the baby will not be ours and that it will go home with our IPs NOT us!! For sure not us! Over the last week all 3 of the kids have had the flu, it was a big reminder of why our family is complete. There is only so much puke and poop you can handle while trying to get stuff done and I reached my max!