Meeting the kids..

  My IPS were kind enough to take the time to Skype with my kids. I was a little nervous that one of my kids would say something totally inappropriate, but they were well behaved! I had asked the girls to think of some questions to ask, which I previewed to make sure they were ok Kaylee gave me a few but Kimberly, on the other hand thought of things off of the top of her head, which made me really nervous. Who knows what is going to come out of a teenager's mouth! The girls had a great time chatting and learning about our IPS and where they are from. They were really surprised at how much we all have in common, and then the moment that won my girls over.... My IPs mentioned Pitch Perfect! This is one of the girls' favorite movies. I have heard the cup song over and over and over and over. It was all I could do to keep them from busting out the cups during our session. I'm sure it will happen next time! It was great for me to see my kids connect with these people who are becoming so special to our family. We have continued to get to know each other by email as well. I really appreciate this, as I hear horror stories of IPs that are never in contact with their surrogates. I just couldn't imagine a relationship like that! Our IPs sent us some videos of their neighborhood which was really neat to see. Kaylee was compelled to make some of her own so that they can see our little corner of the world!
   As far as the process moving forward, I am sure that there is a lot going on behind the scenes but for us there has not been much. We received the  retainer letter from the attorney, which we returned the next day. I like to get my part done as soon as possible. If there is going to be a hold up, I do not want to be responsible for it! It is my understanding that they are now working out all of the legal contracts. I am SOOO glad that there is someone to do this for us. I would not have the foggiest idea what I was doing. I am trying not to go crazy waiting, but I am so impatient! I have been trying to focus on my running. My 5K is in a little over a week and I do not feel ready at all! I have decided that I am not going to run it for a time, I am going for the experience of doing a 5K, and doing it with my family. It looks like there will be a lot of people there, so I will not be able to run as I do on my own. I just can't leave my kids behind if they cannot keep up!

    The past few weeks have been a real test in my faith. I have really spent a lot of time exploring what, exactly, it is that I believe. Someone mentioned in passing that if a couple is unable to have a child, am I playing God by using science to make it happen? My thought is this: What if this is a test of faith of my willingness to help others? Maybe this is a part of a plan to bring families together and show that there is still goodness and kindness in the world. The Word says that God does not keep record of our sins. If He did he would have a VERY long list! That being said, I believe that it is the purity of heart that it judged when the time comes. So, if there is sin in helping someone create a family, I will own that, but I will still do it in confidence that it is the right thing. I know that in my heart there is honesty, love and acceptance. I know that I seek guidance and prayerfully make decisions. I left my previous church because I felt their practices were too narrow minded and judgmental. It is that hypocrisy that has given Christianity a bad name. I am happy to have a home church that has a more open and accepting view, although I have not discussed the surrogacy with any of the pastors, I think it would be seen as a positive thing. I am by no means a "model" Christian, I swear too much, I want too many worldly things, I struggle with letting my husband be the leader and so many other things that could be seen as "bad". But, I also know that our God is gracious and forgiving. I don't believe that my faith is better than anyone those of other people. This is what I choose to believe and when the day comes, if I have been wrong, I at least say that I found guidance and comfort in what I believed was the ultimate plan.
     In class we talked about something called the "acorn theory". This is the notion that we all have a destiny or purpose ingrained in us. It is often referred to as a calling, something we just know we were meant to do. That is how I feel about surrogacy. I knew when Kaylee was days old that I was meant to be a mom and to have babies. Once I found out about surrogacy I knew that was the direction I was supposed to go. It was the same when I chose IPs. I thought I knew who I should carry for but it was as if there was a tiny voice in my head telling me "no, not them, go this way". I see that as God's guidance. I tried not to listen because I did not think that those notions were accurate, but it did not work out. They were not who I was supposed to be with.  When I met these IPs I felt a sense of peace and knew this was right. It has been a perfect match so far! So what did I decide about my faith? I guess that I don't know! I believe that there is a God and that He has a plan and guides us as He sees fitting. As far as the details of day to day living and issues of life? I take it as it comes and trust my heart to help me make the best decision I can. I could make myself crazy trying to over think everything and every possibility. I choose to trust that everything happens for a reason and that I am on the path I am supposed to be on.