As I sat down to write this it dawned on me that this may very well be my last blog before this sweet little baby comes into the world to meet his parents. It is so surreal to think that the end is so close. The last few weeks, much like this whole pregnancy, has been a whirl wind. We had a nice visit with the parents and got to take them up to Whiskeytown to see one of the waterfalls. Of course, with me being so pregnant we just went to Crystal Creek Falls which is a short paved hike!
I think I can finally say that the fun part of pregnancy is over. While I still enjoy feeling him move, I am huge and uncomfortable most of the time, I am tired, and my feet are starting to REALLY swell. Last week was especially rough. The kids had a ton of stuff going on and it was pretty hot. By Friday my feet were painfully swollen. Of course that prompted my mom to do a Google search of what all swelling could be a symptom of. She suggested that I go get my blood pressure checked. I had a few errands to run first but when I finally got to a pharmacy where I could check my bp, it was a little high. Of course it was after hours so I consulted my surro group for ideas. I checked my bp again at a different pharmacy and it was even higher. At that point with the encouragement of the surro group, I caved and called my doctor. He told me that I needed to go to the hospital to get checked. This put me into a mild panic! I was so not ready to go to the hospital and possibly be told that something could be wrong. I had pulled over to talk to the doctor and as we left the parking lot my niece asked me if I was going to the hospital. My answer? "yes, but I have to go home first!" I had to drop Noah off and get my bags/breast pump just in case. Plus I needed to procrastinate just a little! We did end up going (at about 7 pm) and I was monitored for about an hour. Everything looked great and my blood pressure was really good, like with being checked every 5 minutes the highest it went was 122 over something. My cervix was still just a finger tip dilated and long so I was told to go home, rest, take it easy, keep cool and keep my feet up. Much harder said than done! I did a pretty good job though and today my feet are almost normal size. I was also advised NOT to get my blood pressure checked at pharmacies, turns out their machines are very inaccurate!
This morning I went to my Ob for my 38 week check up. Again everything looked good. He warned me that we would start doing membrane stripping at 38 weeks. That sounded good to me, until I looked up what exactly that meant. When I was in the exam room he gave me the option of doing it or not, now, if you know me, you know that I am not good with decisions- especially ones that I need to make quickly! I finally decided that I would rather go through some pain and increase the chances that I will deliver before 41 weeks. The doctor so kindly said " reach under the drape and pull your knees back as far as you can. This may be uncomfortable" what he meant is " I'm going to shove my hand so far into your vagina that it will come out of your throat AND I'm going to move it all around while I am in there AND it is going to hurt like hell." Luckily the whole thing only lasted 5 seconds (the doctor actually counted to 5) and with a lovely string of swear words that would so not make my mom proud, it was over. Now there is a possibility that labor could start soon, but most likely I will stay pregnant a little longer.
This is also my last week of work. I decided that I really misjudged what my energy level would be at my age and this far in my pregnancy. Thank God that most of my work can be done by phone!
So friends of faith, I am asking for prayers for us all. Please pray for the parents who will go from a family of two to a family of three instantly. I try to think about when I had Kimberly and how much scarier it would have been not to have had a pregnancy to prepare me for caring for a baby. I also ask that you pray for my family and my husband, they will need all of the support that they can get to be able to support me through labor, delivery and the weeks after. My husband will have to be strong and hold it all together for both of us to help me make it through labor and delivery. And finally, I ask that you pray for me, that I will have the strength I need to bring this baby into this world, drug free, and that I will be ok emotionally as my role in this journey comes to an end. That is the part that seems so hard to explain. It is not that there is an attachment to the baby, really there is not. Yes, he is loved and will always hold a special place in my heart, right along with his parents, it is more of a sense of loss that I am fearing. I guess a loss of purpose. Now, every day I play a ton of roles, mom, wife, student, therapist ect. but for over a year I have held a special role of surrogate. That has been something that has been very dear to me. It is this role that had helped me and my family grow so much. It is this role that had given me the unwavering faith that I am following Gods plan for me, no matter how untraditional it is and no matter who questioned it. Helping to create a family for someone else has been one of my greatest accomplishments. So many times I have heard women say "I don't know if I could do that" or " I thought about it but..." I can say that I have done it! I have given myself shots, puked, and gone through the aches and pains of pregnancy to make someone else's dream come true. Now, I have heard many comments about the fact that I am compensated for carrying. True, I am. And I am so grateful for that. The compensation has made it possible for me to go through this pregnancy and not worry about the fact that I do not have a paying job as I am finishing up my Master's degree. It made is possible to make unforeseen repairs to our cars, and pay off credit cards and after delivery, it will be that compensation that makes it possible for us to take our kids to Disneyland. The reality is that my family has made many sacrifices, especially late in the pregnancy, so no, I do not feel guilty that we were compensated, but that is not the reason that I have done this. There is no price tag that can be put on watching two amazing people prepare for their biggest dream to come true. I look at my children and they are everything to me. I cannot imagine what my life would be like without them, that is why we embarked on this journey, so that someone else would have the joy of raising a family.
***** As you read this please remember that 1) I am 38 weeks pregnant, even my ocd brain will make spelling and grammar errors and 2) I do not go back and proof read anything. If I did ocd brain would take over and change, correct or make this something more than my raw thoughts and feelings.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
The count down is on......
Ok, not really. With just about 4 1/2 weeks left until my due date, I am not counting down or over being pregnant. Although, people ask me this ALL of the time. I cannot count how many times a day I hear " You haven't had that baby yet?" " Aren't you DONE being pregnant?"" Are you sure you have room to let him grow 4 more weeks?" and the big one lately is " you are still working?' Ect. Thank you for your concern, but yes, I KNOW I am huge. It's no surprise. I got big with the other 2 as well. I am fully aware that I can no longer see my toes, do an adequate shave job or reach the ground and breathe at the same time. I know that even my maternity clothes are getting tight as my hips and belly expand even more. I really do not need to hear it from strangers! I am also getting more and more strangers that want to rub my belly, I'm pregnant, not the fricking Buddha! I guess this late in the game I am getting quite tired and cranky. With the school year coming to an end the kids are super busy and work is pretty busy. I am having a harder time listening to people complain about why they can't do something these days! Seriously?? You have ONE kid, no job, no school yet you cannot make a phone call?
I am noticing quite a few physical changes as well. I am starting to get swelling in my hands and feet, my hips are getting much wider, my back aches and by the end of the day I am TIRED!! I have also noticed that I am way more sensitive to heat and sun which is a new symptom for me, I never experienced that with my other pregnancies. Rolling over in bed and getting up off of the couch are more difficult. But I still function. I do ask myself every day why in the world I am still working. Getting to places on time, having empathy and dragging huge bags of information is becoming a huge feat. Really what it comes down to is that I feel obligated. I have cases that are still needing help and there are only two of us to do it. I also look at the huge number of hours I have to complete to get licensed and figure I don't have time to take it easy before birth.
While I really try not to say anything to stress the parents out, they have enough on their plate, this last month has been one overwhelming, stressful pile of shit! It all started with my car breaking down. Not a little repair either, the engine had to be totally rebuilt! 3 weeks later it is still in the shop. Then while coming home from my moms, Kimberly's car breaks down. I had to drive the Excursion for a week while the other car was getting fixed, and the check engine light came on. Luckily that was just a sensor. I spent over $200 in gas in one week driving that thing, it looks nice and is comfortable but cost WAY too much to drive as much as I do! Add that to the THOUSANDS we are paying in repairs and you can imagine the stress. Add on to that trying to complete my last online class, attend my weekly school supervision, doctors visits for me, Kaylee hurt her finger and had to get x-rays, Easter, Birthdays, work, Kimberly's school having tons of events and needing money for everything under the sun, trying to get 3 kids where they need to be and on time, cooking, grocery shopping, all while huge pregnant and really all I want to do is take a nap and relax!! There have been more than a few times I have just sat and cried. I don't know how it all gets done. I would love to have a weekend to hide out and not have to do anything or be responsible for kids or the house or work or school. Now of course, I know that I volunteered to get pregnant, and I really am enjoying the pregnancy. I just wish I had help. I think that everyone is so used to me just doing everything that no one considers the physical and mental drain late pregnancy puts on me.
Pregnancy wise everything is good. I now see the doctor weekly and he has no concerns. This week I was a finger tip dilated, which I guess is normal for 35 weeks. I did have to have the strep B screening, which I hate. But it's over now! My weight, well I'm over talking about that. It is what it is at this point. Honestly I don't give a shit if I deliver at 300 pounds. I will just bust my ass afterwards to burn it off. Which brings me to my other rant of the month.
Let me just start by saying that I absolutely adore the baby's parents. We have been amazingly compatible for the majority of things throughout this whole process. Except one point.... breastfeeding. Way back in the beginning of the applications I was asked if I would be willing to pump, I of course said yes. When I got this couples profile, a surrogate who was willing to pump was not a requirement for them. It really did not cross my mind at that point that they wouldn't want breast milk if offered or that it would bother me so much. I really thought that I could just say, oh it's their child and their choice and that would be the end of it. As it turns out, it is a big deal for me. Not like I cry myself to sleep over it big deal, but a concept that I cannot grasp. I know that there are different beliefs in different cultures, but scientifically I cannot understand how the benefits of the colostrum and breast milk, even for the first couple of weeks could be something you do not want. Of course at this point I just keep my mouth shut because it really is not my choice, or my place to say anything, I know lots of people don't breastfeed I just cannot get my brain to process and understand the pros of not giving the baby breast milk. I will be pumping and donating, maybe it is my cranky hormones taking over, but I do not see myself doing that very long. While I am completely sold on the health benefits to me and the babies that will get my milk, spending the time and effort of pumping, storing and shipping breast milk to a hospital where I have no idea who it goes to is not motivating to me. It is not a matter of "bonding" or anything like that. But to have a name and a little face to motivate me to continue to put out all of the effort of pumping would be nice. From what I hear it is harder to get a good milk supply with pumping alone as well. I just have doubts about my commitment level to pumping when this process is done. I guess in the end if I match with another set of IPs in the future I now know that being able to pump and ideally breastfeed in the hospital is something that is very important to me.
On another note with the birth fast approaching I find my anxiety level starting to rise! I worry that I may go into labor before the parents are in town, or that it will go fast and they will miss the delivery. I worry that it will happen in the middle of the day when I am at work and my husband is an over an hour away. I worry about my kids, even though there is a plan in place for them. I am also worrying more and more about the birth its self. From the beginning I have wanted a drug free deliver, but I am starting to doubt my abilities. Can I really endure that much pain for hours? Will my husband really be supportive when I am choosing to be in pain for the benefit of someone else? Will the parents be panicked by the intensity and gore of delivery? And then I really have to wonder if I will be emotionally ok after delivery. Right now I really have no feelings of how will I be able to cope with not bringing a baby home. I think I will miss feeling him move, that is my favorite part!! I think I will have some frustration over being asked about the baby by those that don't know the story. But most of all I am stressing over the post baby fat stage where I can say "yeah, I'm fat but I just had a baby ". When you have the baby, people just know "oh she just gave birth" for me it will be different. Yes, I will have given birth, but without the baby around I worry I will get "oh, she just got fat again". I know it is a silly thing to worry about. And I know that it will be easier to get back to where I was this time but it just seems to be something that keeps coming back for me.
Now what I am looking forward to about not being pregnant anymore is sleeping, wearing my wedding ring again, margaritas, going for a run, eating what ever I want and of course being able to travel again!
One last thing..... If you have been following my journey from the start, you may remember that one of my goals was to run a 5k, which I did last year. The 5k we did was called the Gnarly Neon. Basically, you start the route all in white and as you run through you are showered with dyed corn starch and by the end you are a big rainbow. It is a lot of fun!! A few months ago I asked my kids if they wanted to do it again and they said yes, so last weekend, at 35 weeks pregnant, I walked the 5k with them. It was still a lot of fun! I did worry when I had contractions walking up hills or when a large group of people came by, but it all turned out ok. We had a great time and I'm still pregnant! So today I leave you with a couple of pictures from the Gnarly Neon. The first is pre-race, the second is from our first color station where my mom, Kaylee and Dallys all thought it would be a cute photo op to put hand prints on my belly!
I am noticing quite a few physical changes as well. I am starting to get swelling in my hands and feet, my hips are getting much wider, my back aches and by the end of the day I am TIRED!! I have also noticed that I am way more sensitive to heat and sun which is a new symptom for me, I never experienced that with my other pregnancies. Rolling over in bed and getting up off of the couch are more difficult. But I still function. I do ask myself every day why in the world I am still working. Getting to places on time, having empathy and dragging huge bags of information is becoming a huge feat. Really what it comes down to is that I feel obligated. I have cases that are still needing help and there are only two of us to do it. I also look at the huge number of hours I have to complete to get licensed and figure I don't have time to take it easy before birth.
While I really try not to say anything to stress the parents out, they have enough on their plate, this last month has been one overwhelming, stressful pile of shit! It all started with my car breaking down. Not a little repair either, the engine had to be totally rebuilt! 3 weeks later it is still in the shop. Then while coming home from my moms, Kimberly's car breaks down. I had to drive the Excursion for a week while the other car was getting fixed, and the check engine light came on. Luckily that was just a sensor. I spent over $200 in gas in one week driving that thing, it looks nice and is comfortable but cost WAY too much to drive as much as I do! Add that to the THOUSANDS we are paying in repairs and you can imagine the stress. Add on to that trying to complete my last online class, attend my weekly school supervision, doctors visits for me, Kaylee hurt her finger and had to get x-rays, Easter, Birthdays, work, Kimberly's school having tons of events and needing money for everything under the sun, trying to get 3 kids where they need to be and on time, cooking, grocery shopping, all while huge pregnant and really all I want to do is take a nap and relax!! There have been more than a few times I have just sat and cried. I don't know how it all gets done. I would love to have a weekend to hide out and not have to do anything or be responsible for kids or the house or work or school. Now of course, I know that I volunteered to get pregnant, and I really am enjoying the pregnancy. I just wish I had help. I think that everyone is so used to me just doing everything that no one considers the physical and mental drain late pregnancy puts on me.
Pregnancy wise everything is good. I now see the doctor weekly and he has no concerns. This week I was a finger tip dilated, which I guess is normal for 35 weeks. I did have to have the strep B screening, which I hate. But it's over now! My weight, well I'm over talking about that. It is what it is at this point. Honestly I don't give a shit if I deliver at 300 pounds. I will just bust my ass afterwards to burn it off. Which brings me to my other rant of the month.
Let me just start by saying that I absolutely adore the baby's parents. We have been amazingly compatible for the majority of things throughout this whole process. Except one point.... breastfeeding. Way back in the beginning of the applications I was asked if I would be willing to pump, I of course said yes. When I got this couples profile, a surrogate who was willing to pump was not a requirement for them. It really did not cross my mind at that point that they wouldn't want breast milk if offered or that it would bother me so much. I really thought that I could just say, oh it's their child and their choice and that would be the end of it. As it turns out, it is a big deal for me. Not like I cry myself to sleep over it big deal, but a concept that I cannot grasp. I know that there are different beliefs in different cultures, but scientifically I cannot understand how the benefits of the colostrum and breast milk, even for the first couple of weeks could be something you do not want. Of course at this point I just keep my mouth shut because it really is not my choice, or my place to say anything, I know lots of people don't breastfeed I just cannot get my brain to process and understand the pros of not giving the baby breast milk. I will be pumping and donating, maybe it is my cranky hormones taking over, but I do not see myself doing that very long. While I am completely sold on the health benefits to me and the babies that will get my milk, spending the time and effort of pumping, storing and shipping breast milk to a hospital where I have no idea who it goes to is not motivating to me. It is not a matter of "bonding" or anything like that. But to have a name and a little face to motivate me to continue to put out all of the effort of pumping would be nice. From what I hear it is harder to get a good milk supply with pumping alone as well. I just have doubts about my commitment level to pumping when this process is done. I guess in the end if I match with another set of IPs in the future I now know that being able to pump and ideally breastfeed in the hospital is something that is very important to me.
On another note with the birth fast approaching I find my anxiety level starting to rise! I worry that I may go into labor before the parents are in town, or that it will go fast and they will miss the delivery. I worry that it will happen in the middle of the day when I am at work and my husband is an over an hour away. I worry about my kids, even though there is a plan in place for them. I am also worrying more and more about the birth its self. From the beginning I have wanted a drug free deliver, but I am starting to doubt my abilities. Can I really endure that much pain for hours? Will my husband really be supportive when I am choosing to be in pain for the benefit of someone else? Will the parents be panicked by the intensity and gore of delivery? And then I really have to wonder if I will be emotionally ok after delivery. Right now I really have no feelings of how will I be able to cope with not bringing a baby home. I think I will miss feeling him move, that is my favorite part!! I think I will have some frustration over being asked about the baby by those that don't know the story. But most of all I am stressing over the post baby fat stage where I can say "yeah, I'm fat but I just had a baby ". When you have the baby, people just know "oh she just gave birth" for me it will be different. Yes, I will have given birth, but without the baby around I worry I will get "oh, she just got fat again". I know it is a silly thing to worry about. And I know that it will be easier to get back to where I was this time but it just seems to be something that keeps coming back for me.
Now what I am looking forward to about not being pregnant anymore is sleeping, wearing my wedding ring again, margaritas, going for a run, eating what ever I want and of course being able to travel again!
One last thing..... If you have been following my journey from the start, you may remember that one of my goals was to run a 5k, which I did last year. The 5k we did was called the Gnarly Neon. Basically, you start the route all in white and as you run through you are showered with dyed corn starch and by the end you are a big rainbow. It is a lot of fun!! A few months ago I asked my kids if they wanted to do it again and they said yes, so last weekend, at 35 weeks pregnant, I walked the 5k with them. It was still a lot of fun! I did worry when I had contractions walking up hills or when a large group of people came by, but it all turned out ok. We had a great time and I'm still pregnant! So today I leave you with a couple of pictures from the Gnarly Neon. The first is pre-race, the second is from our first color station where my mom, Kaylee and Dallys all thought it would be a cute photo op to put hand prints on my belly!
Saturday, April 12, 2014
8 months
It is so hard to believe that I am DAYS away from being 8 months pregnant! I know I say that every time, but it is true!This pregnancy is flying! The baby is really active now and I was able to FINALLY send his parents a video of him rolling around. He also enjoys hearing them speak French to him. To do this they send me recordings and some special belly bud speakers that go on my belly so he can hear their recordings. I try to play them for him when he is awake and moving so I know he hears them. I also play them when he is still in hopes that he will form subconscious brain connections to the sound of his parents voices. His favorites seem to be anything with music! When I play those recordings he moves like crazy!! This has been a really neat part of the process because, aside from one recording of one of the parents playing the piano, I have not listened to them. They are private messages between the parents and their baby. AND in all honesty, even if I did listen, I would have no idea what in the world they are saying since it is all in French!
So how am I feeling these days..... Physically I still feel pretty good. In the mornings I feel great. By late afternoon I am starting to get tired and I am noticing some slight swelling in my hands and feet. My doctor assured me that it is perfectly normal at this stage of pregnancy. I am going to have to try to get naps in again if I am going to make it through the whole day! I am noticing that some things are getting much harder, like shaving my legs and putting on shoes! I have resorted to mostly wearing my ever growing collection of Teva Mush flip flops now that it is nice weather. And leg shaving is on an "as will be seen" basis, so if it doesn't show it grows!
I actually kinda laugh at myself at time when I do things throughout the day. Like rolling over in bed, it is now a 3 part process; chest, then belly, then legs. Pretty much the same thing getting up off of the couch; scoot to the edge, belly out for leverage, then pull the rest of my body up! There are some other limitations I am noticing as well. It is starting to get warm, which means I am now in the HOT phase. This is so rare for me, I am usually cold, but now I am like a heater! The other day it was in the mid 80's and I thought it would be so nice to turn our cooler fan on BUT it is still covered. Normally this would not be an issue, I would get the ladder, go on the roof and uncover it. Well not pregnant! The thought process was something like this in my pregnant filterless self talk; "ugh, it's hotter than hell, I'm going to turn the cooler on" "Shit! It's covered!" "ok, I'll uncover it" " Dammit! I can't lift the ladder!" " I'll have the kids carry it!" "Shit again! It would be stupid to go on the roof at almost 8 months pregnant!" "uuuugggghhh, I'll just open the stupid window, but I'm still hot!!". I have to just laugh, I go through this process all day long! There are so many things that I always have just done myself that it is difficult to take the time to remember that I am quite pregnant and cannot do it all.
Which brings me to how I am doing mentally. I'm exhausted! Not tired of being pregnant, I really am loving that! But mentally drained! I am working quite a bit trying to get a cushion of hours so I am all set to graduate, I am taking my last official class, trying to keep up with the kids and house as well! Now I do have a housekeeper, which has been a life saver!!! But, of course, I have to have everything picked up before she comes. No dishes in the sink, no toys on the floor ect. I am so grateful to have her but there are some things that are the responsibility of the people living here. Which usually means me. It seems that I am the only one who sees the stuff on the floor or dishes in the sink. I have George put away the clothes that he doesn't put in the dryer and I try to get the kids to pick up the stuff in their bathroom but other than that it all me. Now realistically do these things HAVE to be done, no. But I will go nuts if they are not done!
The kids have each been having their own struggles these past few weeks as well. The girls have school stuff and Noah's fits have been off the hook again. There is another list of things for me to do! Call the school, go to this meeting, check that homework is done, not kill Noah before George gets home.... Then 2/3 of the kids got sick..... While George was in Texas!!! I have also been trying to finish my school required therapy, which is a joke! My therapist told me that I seemed anxious and stressed and that I need to ask for help and find time to relax and get centered! Um yeah right, that is never going to happen! What I need is a clone! I cleaning mom, a kid mom, a work mom, a school mom, a wife mom ect. Then the pregnant mom can take a break! I am really missing the coast right now. That is my go to spot to relax and get centered.
Ok, enough whining, on to the good stuff! Kaylee and I had a mommy/daughter date to my OB appointment this week for another ultrasound! Everything looked good. My blood pressure is good and the baby is measuring right where he should be, at a nice AVERAGE 4 pounds. The estimate is that he will be 7-8 pounds. Keep praying for mid 7's! That is my goal, not that I have any control over it! Kaylee got the doctor to give us a look at him in 3D as well. He is so cute! You can now see that his little cheeks are starting to chub out! Now, some have said that he looks like a zombie or Chucky (yes, the possessed doll) but I see a perfect baby boy who will make his parents dreams come true!
Of course I have a couple of pictures to share as well! One is of the baby. The other is from my walk with Kaylee. She saw this tree and said " Mom, look it's pregnant like you. You have to get a preggo mom and tree picture!"
So how am I feeling these days..... Physically I still feel pretty good. In the mornings I feel great. By late afternoon I am starting to get tired and I am noticing some slight swelling in my hands and feet. My doctor assured me that it is perfectly normal at this stage of pregnancy. I am going to have to try to get naps in again if I am going to make it through the whole day! I am noticing that some things are getting much harder, like shaving my legs and putting on shoes! I have resorted to mostly wearing my ever growing collection of Teva Mush flip flops now that it is nice weather. And leg shaving is on an "as will be seen" basis, so if it doesn't show it grows!
I actually kinda laugh at myself at time when I do things throughout the day. Like rolling over in bed, it is now a 3 part process; chest, then belly, then legs. Pretty much the same thing getting up off of the couch; scoot to the edge, belly out for leverage, then pull the rest of my body up! There are some other limitations I am noticing as well. It is starting to get warm, which means I am now in the HOT phase. This is so rare for me, I am usually cold, but now I am like a heater! The other day it was in the mid 80's and I thought it would be so nice to turn our cooler fan on BUT it is still covered. Normally this would not be an issue, I would get the ladder, go on the roof and uncover it. Well not pregnant! The thought process was something like this in my pregnant filterless self talk; "ugh, it's hotter than hell, I'm going to turn the cooler on" "Shit! It's covered!" "ok, I'll uncover it" " Dammit! I can't lift the ladder!" " I'll have the kids carry it!" "Shit again! It would be stupid to go on the roof at almost 8 months pregnant!" "uuuugggghhh, I'll just open the stupid window, but I'm still hot!!". I have to just laugh, I go through this process all day long! There are so many things that I always have just done myself that it is difficult to take the time to remember that I am quite pregnant and cannot do it all.
Which brings me to how I am doing mentally. I'm exhausted! Not tired of being pregnant, I really am loving that! But mentally drained! I am working quite a bit trying to get a cushion of hours so I am all set to graduate, I am taking my last official class, trying to keep up with the kids and house as well! Now I do have a housekeeper, which has been a life saver!!! But, of course, I have to have everything picked up before she comes. No dishes in the sink, no toys on the floor ect. I am so grateful to have her but there are some things that are the responsibility of the people living here. Which usually means me. It seems that I am the only one who sees the stuff on the floor or dishes in the sink. I have George put away the clothes that he doesn't put in the dryer and I try to get the kids to pick up the stuff in their bathroom but other than that it all me. Now realistically do these things HAVE to be done, no. But I will go nuts if they are not done!
The kids have each been having their own struggles these past few weeks as well. The girls have school stuff and Noah's fits have been off the hook again. There is another list of things for me to do! Call the school, go to this meeting, check that homework is done, not kill Noah before George gets home.... Then 2/3 of the kids got sick..... While George was in Texas!!! I have also been trying to finish my school required therapy, which is a joke! My therapist told me that I seemed anxious and stressed and that I need to ask for help and find time to relax and get centered! Um yeah right, that is never going to happen! What I need is a clone! I cleaning mom, a kid mom, a work mom, a school mom, a wife mom ect. Then the pregnant mom can take a break! I am really missing the coast right now. That is my go to spot to relax and get centered.
Ok, enough whining, on to the good stuff! Kaylee and I had a mommy/daughter date to my OB appointment this week for another ultrasound! Everything looked good. My blood pressure is good and the baby is measuring right where he should be, at a nice AVERAGE 4 pounds. The estimate is that he will be 7-8 pounds. Keep praying for mid 7's! That is my goal, not that I have any control over it! Kaylee got the doctor to give us a look at him in 3D as well. He is so cute! You can now see that his little cheeks are starting to chub out! Now, some have said that he looks like a zombie or Chucky (yes, the possessed doll) but I see a perfect baby boy who will make his parents dreams come true!
Of course I have a couple of pictures to share as well! One is of the baby. The other is from my walk with Kaylee. She saw this tree and said " Mom, look it's pregnant like you. You have to get a preggo mom and tree picture!"
Friday, March 28, 2014
7+ months
I cannot believe that I am already almost 7 1/2 months pregnant! Time is flying! My last OB appointment went well, everything is looking great. I go back on April 10th for another ultrasound to see how big the baby is. I am looking forward to this appointment and praying for a nice AVERAGE size baby! I have a history of growing big babies though. Hopefully since this one has none of my genetics it will be smaller.
Really there is not much to report, I am still feeling good overall, but sleeping less and less. I have noticed that the floor is getting much farther away though. When things fall on the ground there is serious thought put into if it NEEDS to be picked up or not! Then there is the major blessing of the third trimester..... HOUSE KEEPING allowance! It sounds petty but with 3 kids, 2 dogs, work, school and being big pregnant it is so nice not to have to worry about cleaning my house. Of course, I still keep things picked up and we do our own dishes and stuff like that but I don't have to do floors, clean the bathrooms, dust ect. I am seriously trying to figure out how to budget a permanent house keeper!
Sorry for the short blog but things are going so well that there is not much to report! Ill add more after the next ultrasound, until then here is another picture of my ever growing belly!( For the record, I still weigh less than I did before my weight loss)
Really there is not much to report, I am still feeling good overall, but sleeping less and less. I have noticed that the floor is getting much farther away though. When things fall on the ground there is serious thought put into if it NEEDS to be picked up or not! Then there is the major blessing of the third trimester..... HOUSE KEEPING allowance! It sounds petty but with 3 kids, 2 dogs, work, school and being big pregnant it is so nice not to have to worry about cleaning my house. Of course, I still keep things picked up and we do our own dishes and stuff like that but I don't have to do floors, clean the bathrooms, dust ect. I am seriously trying to figure out how to budget a permanent house keeper!
Sorry for the short blog but things are going so well that there is not much to report! Ill add more after the next ultrasound, until then here is another picture of my ever growing belly!( For the record, I still weigh less than I did before my weight loss)
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
The third trimester begins
I CANNOT believe that I got an email from the agency saying "Welcome to the third trimester" already! Where has the time gone? This pregnancy is going so fast! It has also been VERY easy. I feel so good, there is really nothing pregnancy related to complain about. If I had to pick something I would have to say that I have no willpower when it comes to eating and really have not find time to workout and I am starting to have a harder time sleeping. Nothing extreme, nothing major, just a nice smooth pregnancy. I don't even think I have strange cravings. The worst is probably chocolate chip cookies dipped in orange juice, but I like that even when I am not pregnant.
The baby moves a lot these days, but only when no one is trying to feel him!! Just today I got a few major kicks and as soon as Kimberly tried to feel it, he stopped! He has decided that he likes to keep his feet under my ribs and use my bladder as a punching bag. It doesn't hurt or anything, just a strange sensation. The baby's parents have sent me a few recordings of them speaking that I play for him so that he will recognize their voices and get to hear their language. He loves it!! He wiggles around at first but then goes still. I am so glad that the technology is available to do this!
There is no questioning if I look pregnant or not these days! I don't feel like I am too big, but definitely pregnant! I am to the point that I am kind of avoiding some of my family now. Not because I feel I need to hide the pregnancy, but I really do not think that they could fully understand the process and why I would do this. I don't have the time or patience anymore for debates! I have been getting asked a lot if I am getting more attached now that I feel him moving, know he is a boy and know his name. No. Not at all. Of course when he is born I will want to squeeze him and love on him, but I am like that with any baby I can get my hands on! Some one described it as the birth of a niece or nephew and I think that is pretty accurate. We love him and his family, but more as family members than as a child I am carrying. I don't know if that all makes sense but to sum it up, it is a different feeling all together from carrying my own children. I still love to poke at him and feel him move but it is more of a hey that's cool thing than a bonding thing.
I notice a HUGE difference in my energy and lack of connection since I do not have to do any baby prep. I had no idea how much stress I was going to avoid by not worrying about a name. or child care or setting up a nursery!
My biggest dilemma is my upcoming graduation. I will complete my course work at the end of June. I am the first person in my family, on both sides, to get a Master's degree. Unfortunately, the graduation ceremony is at the end of April..... in Sacramento. Due to my contract I am not able to travel over 100 miles from Mercy now so I cannot attend. Even if I could it is a combination of several National University locations so I am sure that the ceremony is going to be much longer than I could sit through without a bathroom break. Now, I knew that this was going to happen from the beginning of my pregnancy and I really thought I didn't care. But as I see my classmates preparing for the ceremony I am a little sad. I decided to get my Master's degree at my Bachelor's graduation when I saw the Master's get hooded. I wanted that too but now I have done the work and won't get the celebration to go with it. I guess what really matters is that I will have the degree. I will have "official" letters after my name (ok, I don't care about that) and I will have a couple of years worth of income in student loans to prove it!! Really, I have a huge sense of accomplishment. There have been several times that I thought I could not do it. I was overwhelmed and I did not feel smart enough. But I think back to a nasty old lady and a few others, that told me that my life was over when I got pregnant at 16 and that I would never go anywhere. I would love to see those people and give them a big fuck you!!
In all actuality this pregnancy is one of the accomplishments that I am most proud of. Not many people can say that they helped create a family. Regardless of compensation I have put myself through tons of medical procedures, the physical and mental effects of pregnancy and I will go through child birth for someone else. I don't really feel like I am doing anything special, maybe that is because I have connected with a great support system of other surrogates, but the last few days I have had quite a few people recognize that surrogacy is not for everyone. It is an exciting, wonderful experience but it is for sure not for everyone!
I am trying not to panic about my weight, at almost 7 months pregnant I still weigh less than I did before I lost weight. Since the weather has been nice this week I have got to go on a few walks, which was nice. I am trying to work my endurance up so that I can walk in the Gnarly Neon 5k in May! (with my doctors ok of course!)
Doctors appointment next week to check on how the little French Fry is growing and to get my Rogam shot because I have a negative blood type. Should be nice and easy!!
The baby moves a lot these days, but only when no one is trying to feel him!! Just today I got a few major kicks and as soon as Kimberly tried to feel it, he stopped! He has decided that he likes to keep his feet under my ribs and use my bladder as a punching bag. It doesn't hurt or anything, just a strange sensation. The baby's parents have sent me a few recordings of them speaking that I play for him so that he will recognize their voices and get to hear their language. He loves it!! He wiggles around at first but then goes still. I am so glad that the technology is available to do this!
There is no questioning if I look pregnant or not these days! I don't feel like I am too big, but definitely pregnant! I am to the point that I am kind of avoiding some of my family now. Not because I feel I need to hide the pregnancy, but I really do not think that they could fully understand the process and why I would do this. I don't have the time or patience anymore for debates! I have been getting asked a lot if I am getting more attached now that I feel him moving, know he is a boy and know his name. No. Not at all. Of course when he is born I will want to squeeze him and love on him, but I am like that with any baby I can get my hands on! Some one described it as the birth of a niece or nephew and I think that is pretty accurate. We love him and his family, but more as family members than as a child I am carrying. I don't know if that all makes sense but to sum it up, it is a different feeling all together from carrying my own children. I still love to poke at him and feel him move but it is more of a hey that's cool thing than a bonding thing.
I notice a HUGE difference in my energy and lack of connection since I do not have to do any baby prep. I had no idea how much stress I was going to avoid by not worrying about a name. or child care or setting up a nursery!
My biggest dilemma is my upcoming graduation. I will complete my course work at the end of June. I am the first person in my family, on both sides, to get a Master's degree. Unfortunately, the graduation ceremony is at the end of April..... in Sacramento. Due to my contract I am not able to travel over 100 miles from Mercy now so I cannot attend. Even if I could it is a combination of several National University locations so I am sure that the ceremony is going to be much longer than I could sit through without a bathroom break. Now, I knew that this was going to happen from the beginning of my pregnancy and I really thought I didn't care. But as I see my classmates preparing for the ceremony I am a little sad. I decided to get my Master's degree at my Bachelor's graduation when I saw the Master's get hooded. I wanted that too but now I have done the work and won't get the celebration to go with it. I guess what really matters is that I will have the degree. I will have "official" letters after my name (ok, I don't care about that) and I will have a couple of years worth of income in student loans to prove it!! Really, I have a huge sense of accomplishment. There have been several times that I thought I could not do it. I was overwhelmed and I did not feel smart enough. But I think back to a nasty old lady and a few others, that told me that my life was over when I got pregnant at 16 and that I would never go anywhere. I would love to see those people and give them a big fuck you!!
In all actuality this pregnancy is one of the accomplishments that I am most proud of. Not many people can say that they helped create a family. Regardless of compensation I have put myself through tons of medical procedures, the physical and mental effects of pregnancy and I will go through child birth for someone else. I don't really feel like I am doing anything special, maybe that is because I have connected with a great support system of other surrogates, but the last few days I have had quite a few people recognize that surrogacy is not for everyone. It is an exciting, wonderful experience but it is for sure not for everyone!
I am trying not to panic about my weight, at almost 7 months pregnant I still weigh less than I did before I lost weight. Since the weather has been nice this week I have got to go on a few walks, which was nice. I am trying to work my endurance up so that I can walk in the Gnarly Neon 5k in May! (with my doctors ok of course!)
Doctors appointment next week to check on how the little French Fry is growing and to get my Rogam shot because I have a negative blood type. Should be nice and easy!!
Friday, February 14, 2014
It's a ........
So after a slight delay our IP's got to come visit our tiny little town and meet my family, including the dogs, and find out what their baby is! It was such an exciting day!! It was a little stressful preparing for our Ips arrival, they come from a very large city and well... it's Redding. I wouldn't say that I was worried, just anxious to see how they reacted to such a small place! It all went well and they even survived their drive through all of the cow and horse pastures in Cottonwood to my house.
Of course I had not slept well the night before and started my morning off with a trip to the dentist which sucked!! But after all of that I was able to meet up with our IPs and do a little catching up before we went to tour the hospital. With Mercy being a catholic hospital I was not sure how a surrogate pregnancy would be received, but it went well. The lady that gave us the tour was very nice, answered all of our questions and showed us everything on the labor and delivery floor and pediatrics. It sounds like they will be as accommodating as possible to the needs of our unique situation. Then it was off to the doctor for our BIG ultrasound!!
I love my doctor. I chose him because I knew that he had worked with a few other surrogates in the area, he is younger and fairly laid back. He has a good sense of humor as well! His staff has really worked with us as much as possible to make sure that everything goes nicely. My Ips really liked him too. He took the time to answer questions and even gave us a little 3D peek of the baby!! Which brings me to the ultrasound. What an experience!! This was the fourth time that I have been able to see the baby BUT it was the parents first time getting to see their baby! It was so amazing to get to witness them seeing their baby move and we even got some really nice picture of its face. Again, my doctor took the time to explain all of the things that we were looking at and reassure the parents that everything looked normal. Emotionally it was an interesting experience for me. I was amazed by the 3D images, I did not have 3D with my kids. It was so cool to see the facial features already! But I did not feel that warm, falling in love with my baby feeling that I had with my own. It was more of a sense of joy for the parents. This was the moment that the pregnancy became very real for them. It was not just pictures and emails from the other side of the world, they were there, in the room seeing their baby and watching it move around and kick, and seeing its little heart beat. It was just an amazing experience! And so what everyone wants to know..... what is it??
IT'S A BOY!!! He is not modest at all and gave us quite a view!! THIS was especially exciting for me because while I knew that my IPS were leaning toward girl, I really thought it was a boy! They, of course, are thrilled with a boy as well! This is my first time carrying a boy so I am excited to see just how different it will be from my girl pregnancies. Unfortunately, this pregnancy is going so quickly!! I cannot believe that in just a few days I will be 6 months pregnant. That means that in about 16 weeks we will get to meet this little guy!
Of course I had not slept well the night before and started my morning off with a trip to the dentist which sucked!! But after all of that I was able to meet up with our IPs and do a little catching up before we went to tour the hospital. With Mercy being a catholic hospital I was not sure how a surrogate pregnancy would be received, but it went well. The lady that gave us the tour was very nice, answered all of our questions and showed us everything on the labor and delivery floor and pediatrics. It sounds like they will be as accommodating as possible to the needs of our unique situation. Then it was off to the doctor for our BIG ultrasound!!
I love my doctor. I chose him because I knew that he had worked with a few other surrogates in the area, he is younger and fairly laid back. He has a good sense of humor as well! His staff has really worked with us as much as possible to make sure that everything goes nicely. My Ips really liked him too. He took the time to answer questions and even gave us a little 3D peek of the baby!! Which brings me to the ultrasound. What an experience!! This was the fourth time that I have been able to see the baby BUT it was the parents first time getting to see their baby! It was so amazing to get to witness them seeing their baby move and we even got some really nice picture of its face. Again, my doctor took the time to explain all of the things that we were looking at and reassure the parents that everything looked normal. Emotionally it was an interesting experience for me. I was amazed by the 3D images, I did not have 3D with my kids. It was so cool to see the facial features already! But I did not feel that warm, falling in love with my baby feeling that I had with my own. It was more of a sense of joy for the parents. This was the moment that the pregnancy became very real for them. It was not just pictures and emails from the other side of the world, they were there, in the room seeing their baby and watching it move around and kick, and seeing its little heart beat. It was just an amazing experience! And so what everyone wants to know..... what is it??
IT'S A BOY!!! He is not modest at all and gave us quite a view!! THIS was especially exciting for me because while I knew that my IPS were leaning toward girl, I really thought it was a boy! They, of course, are thrilled with a boy as well! This is my first time carrying a boy so I am excited to see just how different it will be from my girl pregnancies. Unfortunately, this pregnancy is going so quickly!! I cannot believe that in just a few days I will be 6 months pregnant. That means that in about 16 weeks we will get to meet this little guy!
What a year it has been. To think back to this time last year, I was stressing over if I would meet the right couple and how long this process takes. Now, I wish it would slow down a bit! This has been such an amazing, life changing experience for my whole family!
As if seeing their son for the first time and checking out possible places to live for a bit was not enough, my IPs got to meet my family in person for the first time! We started off kind of slow. They met me and the kids at the mall and had a few minutes to chat with the kids while we did some shopping. Then my mom joined us. Now, I was quite excited for her to meet them. While she has been very supportive, I knew that meeting the parents in person would be when she would fully understand how and why I can carry a baby and be okay with not taking it home. Also why I would go through all of the medical stuff and the body changes of pregnancy for people who a year ago were strangers to us. As expected, she loved them! Then we all went to dinner where we were joined by George and Dallys. Dinner went really well and it was full of laughter and good conversations!
Today my Ips came out to the house to say goodbye. We had a nice visit and my dogs were pretty well behaved! As some know, I am a stress cleaner before we have company. Well because we had all been so sick we just deep cleaned a couple of weeks ago and time was pretty limited so of course things were not as clean as I would have liked, but it was reality! I have 3 kids and 2 dogs and work while going to school and pregnant, some dust and clutter is what life is really like for us! Now in about 3 weeks my housekeeping allowance will start!! I will still do the stuff I am crazy about but it will be so nice to pass on cleaning the floors and bathrooms! Dusting too, I hate dusting! I have never had someone else clean my house for me so I am really torn, do I hire a company that I know will do a good job, or do I hire Dallys who is cheaper labor!! Really, I think that I may do both, have Dallys clean one week and a professional the next!
Overall it was a great visit that was filled with emotions. It was so exciting to get to introduce my IPs to my kids and mom and Dallys so that they all know why I adore my Ips so much. It was also great for my kids to experience a little bit of a different culture! And it was absolutely amazing to get to watch my IPs realize that they really are going to be parents in just a few short months. I cannot imagine what it must be like for them. They have to trust that someone all the way around the world, in a country with different norms will be responsible enough to love and nurture their baby from just a few days after conception until he is ready to come into the world. They have to trust that I really will follow the things that are lined out in the contract and that their baby's health is the top priority. I think about how hard it is for me to let my kids go to a friends house and I cannot fathom what this is like for them. I hear horror stories of the limitations and requests that other surrogate have from their IPs and I am so grateful that mine just trust me to do what is best. What an honor to be a part of changing their lives like this.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
20 weeks
Ok really, I am a slacker.... I am now 22 weeks but it has been a CRAZY couple of weeks since my 20 week appointment! The kids and I have taken turns with every illness going around!
My 20 week appointment went well. The baby sounded good. It was pretty routine. We were supposed to have an ultrasound on 2/4 but due to some uncontrollable circumstances that appointment had to be changed. Now my IPs will be here on 2/13 for the big ultrasound to see what the gender is!! My vote.... boy. For no reason other than it's lack of cooperation with anything I want to do! First off, when I try to pick up the hear beat with the Doppler it moves as soon as I get it. Then it likes to wiggle when I have to pee and when I go to bed. Of course feeling the baby move is not a bad thing BUT there is no way that I could let it move and not poke it back. That is my little reward for carrying this baby, I get to play with it!! It also hates Taco Bell nachos (which I love) and anything else that has the slightest bit of spice. I pay for that indulgence with some lovely heartburn!
Overall though I still feel great. I am loving being pregnant at this point. I am not so huge that I cannot move and I am out of the "is she getting fat" stage.
Kaylee was super excited that she got to be the first (and only one besides me) to feel that baby move from the outside! This was quite a feat. It took serious patience and several tries. Our day was spent like this. "Kaylee, it's moving" she runs over pushes her hand on my belly only to feel nothing for several minutes. We repeated this process for hours until finally she got to feel a little roll! I on the other hand am not only privy to little rolls, I am starting to get some good kicks too. Not painful, it just kind of takes my breath away. And of course it thinks that my bladder is a trampoline.
Noah has been quite entertaining as well now that he has realized that there is a baby in my tummy. He wanted to listen to the heart beat so we did, then he wanted to listen to the heart beat of the baby in HIS tummy. When we couldn't find it he said "oh, the baby in my tummy died!" He also asked why I ate the baby! And the other day in the car he asked how the baby got in my tummy. I explained to him that the doctor used a special tube to put the baby in there. (much easier to explain than a traditional pregnancy!) To that he replied "Well, I want the doctor to put a baby in my tummy too!" Gotta love 3 year olds!!
Kimberly is mostly into boys and her friends but still likes to regularly jiggle my belly and talk to the baby. I am trying to convince her that the jiggling is not necessary!!
As stubborn as the baby is, it really likes my dog. Nothing gets it moving like my dog laying her head on my tummy! I have a feeling that it will become a battle once the movements are strong enough to disturb Karma from her napping!
So far I have not had any strange cravings either. I have cravings.... just not strange stuff. My most common have been steak and pudding. I have also developed an aversion to home brewed coffee, even with my precious pumpkin spice creamer. I have had quite a sweet tooth, for which I am paying every time I look at the scale. My weight gain is not too bad, just not where I wanted it to be. My goal for the next week is to make time to go check out a gym. My schedule is so crazy that I do not have much daylight time that I can go for a walk and it turns out that I suck at doing videos. There are just too many distractions as home!! My hope is that I will be able to fit the gym in between work and getting the kids. The one I am looking at has a lot of options that I am interested in like water aerobics and yoga. Really the big thing is that when I work my ass off at the gym I am more motivated to eat well. It turns out that pregnancy does not go with my eating plan from before. There are a few reasons for this. First of all, my main staple for lunch was deli meat and left over chicken. As my luck would have it, the dietary recommendations have gotten stricter since the last time I was pregnant and all meats must be heated (including the deli meat). This disrupted my routine and I now fall victim to the temptation of the Taco Bell burrito! Really it comes down to I have no idea what the hell to eat for lunch that is safe and does not have to be heated. Now, if I had an office job heating food would not be an issue BUT that is not what I do! I go from place to place in my car all day and who knows where I will be when I get hungry!!
The other challenge I have had is that I cannot get anyone (like my doctor) to tell me EXACTLY how many calories I NEED while I am pregnant. I am certain I have to have more than the 1200 I ate before! My doctor's only solution is to get more aerobic exercise. Now, don't get me wrong. I know that I enjoy exercising when I do it. I just truly have not been able to find the time to do it! Now, I tell clients all day that you have to schedule self care blah blah blah... I suck at that!
My self care has been naps! Which again I relate to my lack of exercise the last few months. Let me bore you with my sleep history. I used to sleep like shit. Can't fall asleep, cant stay asleep and so on. Now when I was running regularly I slept great. The first trimester, I still slept great. Second trimester my sleeping sucks again. And I NEED sleep!! I am not a person that can function on a few hours of sleep. I wish I could say that I was losing sleep because I was uncomfortable or the baby moved too much but no, that is not it. I just can't sleep! Most nights I do fall asleep ok but I wake up around 2 am and stay awake for HOURS! I think it is so frustrating to me because I know how to sleep better but I have not found a way to fit it in. I am however, getting ready to register for the Gnarly Neon again. This was is the 5k that I ran last year. It is May 3rd and I will be about 36 weeks pregnant so I am pretty sure that I will NOT be running it BUT you bet your ass I will be walking those 3 miles with my girls!! In order to do that though I need to start doing something!
I am also still really wanting to have a drug free birth (which again is easier when you stay active). I am not super woman and I know it hurts like hell. I tried with Kaylee but I did not have the greatest support at delivery so when my doctor was not supportive of a drug free birth I caved. I obviously chose a different doctor this time! I also have a doula and a supportive husband. I do worry a little bit about my IPs though. See, I know me and pain. I have a pretty high tolerance BUT it absolutely turns off any censor that I may have to my mouth! I worry that I may call them names or yell at them but hopefully they will know that I really do love them and don't mean it!! Really I am hoping to use some relaxation and meditation techniques to help me stay in control. And quite honestly, I am fully willing to accept that there may be a point that I decide that drug free is more than I can handle!
The next two weeks will be a whirl wind of prep for our IPs to come. They not only get to hear and see their baby in person BUT in the two days that they are here they will get to meet my family as well. They will get a slight introduction into my schedule as well. The day they get here I have a dentist appointment ( which I have put off several times and HAVE to go now) then we will do the hospital tour and sonogram. After that I will rush back to Cottonwood to pick up the kids and back to Redding for Kimberly's Orthodontist appointment. Then we will all have dinner together hopefully before Noah get's tired and turns into super asshole. Friday won't be as bad though. I just have to drop off the kids and prepare for George and I to leave town early Saturday for my farewell trip to the beach!
I am trying to not be sad over the fact that the day is soon approaching when I will not be able to sit on the beach. I know it is temporary but that is my heaven. Nothing is as soothing as sitting on the beach watching the waves. That is where I go when I need a break. The mountains and lakes are nice but nothing like the beach! I really wish that I was closer to the ocean. Enough of that, I really can't think about it anymore.
Hopefully the next update will be a big gender reveal!!
My 20 week appointment went well. The baby sounded good. It was pretty routine. We were supposed to have an ultrasound on 2/4 but due to some uncontrollable circumstances that appointment had to be changed. Now my IPs will be here on 2/13 for the big ultrasound to see what the gender is!! My vote.... boy. For no reason other than it's lack of cooperation with anything I want to do! First off, when I try to pick up the hear beat with the Doppler it moves as soon as I get it. Then it likes to wiggle when I have to pee and when I go to bed. Of course feeling the baby move is not a bad thing BUT there is no way that I could let it move and not poke it back. That is my little reward for carrying this baby, I get to play with it!! It also hates Taco Bell nachos (which I love) and anything else that has the slightest bit of spice. I pay for that indulgence with some lovely heartburn!
Overall though I still feel great. I am loving being pregnant at this point. I am not so huge that I cannot move and I am out of the "is she getting fat" stage.
Kaylee was super excited that she got to be the first (and only one besides me) to feel that baby move from the outside! This was quite a feat. It took serious patience and several tries. Our day was spent like this. "Kaylee, it's moving" she runs over pushes her hand on my belly only to feel nothing for several minutes. We repeated this process for hours until finally she got to feel a little roll! I on the other hand am not only privy to little rolls, I am starting to get some good kicks too. Not painful, it just kind of takes my breath away. And of course it thinks that my bladder is a trampoline.
Noah has been quite entertaining as well now that he has realized that there is a baby in my tummy. He wanted to listen to the heart beat so we did, then he wanted to listen to the heart beat of the baby in HIS tummy. When we couldn't find it he said "oh, the baby in my tummy died!" He also asked why I ate the baby! And the other day in the car he asked how the baby got in my tummy. I explained to him that the doctor used a special tube to put the baby in there. (much easier to explain than a traditional pregnancy!) To that he replied "Well, I want the doctor to put a baby in my tummy too!" Gotta love 3 year olds!!
Kimberly is mostly into boys and her friends but still likes to regularly jiggle my belly and talk to the baby. I am trying to convince her that the jiggling is not necessary!!
As stubborn as the baby is, it really likes my dog. Nothing gets it moving like my dog laying her head on my tummy! I have a feeling that it will become a battle once the movements are strong enough to disturb Karma from her napping!
So far I have not had any strange cravings either. I have cravings.... just not strange stuff. My most common have been steak and pudding. I have also developed an aversion to home brewed coffee, even with my precious pumpkin spice creamer. I have had quite a sweet tooth, for which I am paying every time I look at the scale. My weight gain is not too bad, just not where I wanted it to be. My goal for the next week is to make time to go check out a gym. My schedule is so crazy that I do not have much daylight time that I can go for a walk and it turns out that I suck at doing videos. There are just too many distractions as home!! My hope is that I will be able to fit the gym in between work and getting the kids. The one I am looking at has a lot of options that I am interested in like water aerobics and yoga. Really the big thing is that when I work my ass off at the gym I am more motivated to eat well. It turns out that pregnancy does not go with my eating plan from before. There are a few reasons for this. First of all, my main staple for lunch was deli meat and left over chicken. As my luck would have it, the dietary recommendations have gotten stricter since the last time I was pregnant and all meats must be heated (including the deli meat). This disrupted my routine and I now fall victim to the temptation of the Taco Bell burrito! Really it comes down to I have no idea what the hell to eat for lunch that is safe and does not have to be heated. Now, if I had an office job heating food would not be an issue BUT that is not what I do! I go from place to place in my car all day and who knows where I will be when I get hungry!!
The other challenge I have had is that I cannot get anyone (like my doctor) to tell me EXACTLY how many calories I NEED while I am pregnant. I am certain I have to have more than the 1200 I ate before! My doctor's only solution is to get more aerobic exercise. Now, don't get me wrong. I know that I enjoy exercising when I do it. I just truly have not been able to find the time to do it! Now, I tell clients all day that you have to schedule self care blah blah blah... I suck at that!
My self care has been naps! Which again I relate to my lack of exercise the last few months. Let me bore you with my sleep history. I used to sleep like shit. Can't fall asleep, cant stay asleep and so on. Now when I was running regularly I slept great. The first trimester, I still slept great. Second trimester my sleeping sucks again. And I NEED sleep!! I am not a person that can function on a few hours of sleep. I wish I could say that I was losing sleep because I was uncomfortable or the baby moved too much but no, that is not it. I just can't sleep! Most nights I do fall asleep ok but I wake up around 2 am and stay awake for HOURS! I think it is so frustrating to me because I know how to sleep better but I have not found a way to fit it in. I am however, getting ready to register for the Gnarly Neon again. This was is the 5k that I ran last year. It is May 3rd and I will be about 36 weeks pregnant so I am pretty sure that I will NOT be running it BUT you bet your ass I will be walking those 3 miles with my girls!! In order to do that though I need to start doing something!
I am also still really wanting to have a drug free birth (which again is easier when you stay active). I am not super woman and I know it hurts like hell. I tried with Kaylee but I did not have the greatest support at delivery so when my doctor was not supportive of a drug free birth I caved. I obviously chose a different doctor this time! I also have a doula and a supportive husband. I do worry a little bit about my IPs though. See, I know me and pain. I have a pretty high tolerance BUT it absolutely turns off any censor that I may have to my mouth! I worry that I may call them names or yell at them but hopefully they will know that I really do love them and don't mean it!! Really I am hoping to use some relaxation and meditation techniques to help me stay in control. And quite honestly, I am fully willing to accept that there may be a point that I decide that drug free is more than I can handle!
The next two weeks will be a whirl wind of prep for our IPs to come. They not only get to hear and see their baby in person BUT in the two days that they are here they will get to meet my family as well. They will get a slight introduction into my schedule as well. The day they get here I have a dentist appointment ( which I have put off several times and HAVE to go now) then we will do the hospital tour and sonogram. After that I will rush back to Cottonwood to pick up the kids and back to Redding for Kimberly's Orthodontist appointment. Then we will all have dinner together hopefully before Noah get's tired and turns into super asshole. Friday won't be as bad though. I just have to drop off the kids and prepare for George and I to leave town early Saturday for my farewell trip to the beach!
I am trying to not be sad over the fact that the day is soon approaching when I will not be able to sit on the beach. I know it is temporary but that is my heaven. Nothing is as soothing as sitting on the beach watching the waves. That is where I go when I need a break. The mountains and lakes are nice but nothing like the beach! I really wish that I was closer to the ocean. Enough of that, I really can't think about it anymore.
Hopefully the next update will be a big gender reveal!!
Here is a growing tummy picture at 5 months
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