Physically I am doing well too. I am still holding on to some extra baby weight, but it is hard to say how much since I am still pumping. I am actually losing about a pound a day with no effort at all. I am finally feeling ready to start exercising and eating well again so that I can take full advantage of the extra calorie burn from producing breast milk. While I am a long ways away from my pre-pregnancy clothes, I am feeling good about the progress. After birth I kept waiting to feel some sort of physical pain or something that hinted that I had just given birth but it never came! After the second day I have had next to no discomfort. Even in the first days I just had some cramping that was controlled with Motrin.
I am still having mixed emotions over pumping. I found someone willing to take my milk, which has helped a lot, but it is very time consuming and painful. I pump every 3 hours for 20 minutes and then get up once a night as well. In the beginning I was worried that I would have a hard time getting a good supply without nursing at all but evidently I was wrong! I am currently pumping 65-70+ ounces a day. At the first pumping session of the day I can pump for almost 45 minutes to get fully empty and get between 20-24 ounces. I am amazed at the supply I have. I even had to borrow a freezer just for milk. I currently have over 800 ounces saved! It is a pain though. I get about 2-2.5 hours of freedom before I have to start thinking about hooking up again. And while I only pump for 20 minutes, it takes another 10 or so to clean everything and bag and store the milk.ore efficient though, I am even getting to the point where I can pump and drive. I am sure that all of the vehicles bigger than mine enjoy that view! Actually I am pretty covered, it just looks strange! I am becoming m But some babies will be very happy!! At this point it looks like there will be 3 babies that will get the benefit of my mass production. Most of the milk I will be donating to some fellow surrogates and then I found another family on the coast that can use the milk that I pump while I am there on vacation. It is just amazing how things just fall into place!
So what do I do with myself now? Well I am enjoying not working. I also just finished school, which is a huge relief! I will go back to work after our trip to the coast, but on a very limited schedule. There is also a possibility that I am looking into of a paid internship at my daughter's high school. Once again things seem to be just falling into place. I am happy with myself for not stressing about what I will do next and trusting that things will work out. I am also very literally doing everything I want to this summer! This weekend I am driving with my mom and the girls to San Francisco to see the baby and his parents. This is huge for me! I have NEVER driven in a bigger city, with traffic and toll bridges and all of that stuff. I totally have a plan B of calling a cab if I get too overwhelmed, but I have been assured that I will be fine!! Then Monday we leave for the coast. This is my first time taking my trailer all by myself. I have been practicing backing it up and well... it is not going so hot. The whole turn one way and go the other stuff is not clicking with my brain. Now in all fairness I do manage to get it where I want it, but it takes forever and there are usually tears and four letter words involved. BUT I have been looking forward to this trip for months! I have planned to stay at places that I usually drive by and say "someday I want to stay there". We are also not really planning what to do, just whatever we want! WE will go to Oregon one day and to a walk through wild life safari but other than that there are no plans. Then I will come home for a couple of weeks and we will go to Disneyland. I also want to fit a quick weekend trip to Fort Brag in there too!
That leads me into the next portion of this update... relationships. As most of you know, I usually travel with my kids and my mom ( and of course Dallys too). My husband usually stays home. I know it sounds a little strange, but it works for us. He does not enjoy camping and our cold little beaches like I do so rather than make him miserable by forcing him to go, I just do what I want and he gets alone time. It just works for us. After getting divorced I was luck enough to find someone who does not try to hold me back, he supports me in whatever I want to do and appreciates my independence and my need to be able to do things myself. He never makes me feel guilty for taking a trip (probably because I usually take the kids :) ) he doesn't try to discourage me from doing off of the wall things like quitting my job to go to school or having a baby for someone else. For years I tried to understand our differences and make sense of how he could not enjoy the same things I do but once I accepted that we just enjoy different things, it has flowed much smoother. Now there are times that I strongly encourage him to do things that I like, like a trip to the coast or a family get together, I try to make it as painless as possible! Now there are also things that we like to do together as well. He enjoys movies and going out to eat or just staying home and doing nothing, which I am ok with too. What is most important is that we can enjoy being together. After 7 years together I still look forward to him coming home and spending time with him. It is very nice to have a partner who will love and accept me for who I am.
I have learned in the past year that there are many different types of relationships that I encounter. I know that there are people in my life who disapproved of this surrogacy, they showed it by avoiding me and saying nothing at all. There are some that truly did not understand the process or how I could give the baby up, they also kept their distance, but not as much as those who were against it. Then there were those who really didn't give a shit, those that were curious about the journey, those that offered words of support and encouragement and those that were really by my side. The latter group was pretty limited.
My children, my mom and my grandmother were the ones, besides my husband, who I knew really supported me. My grandma watched the kids whenever I needed her to and while I am not sure she understood it all, I think she had a good enough understanding to know that having a baby for someone was something that I felt called to do and that I started this process out of obedience of my faith.
My children, while they weren't always happy about it, accepted that there were limitations to what I could do, especially in the end. They were supportive the whole way and I felt that they were proud of what I was doing. They also learned a lot from this journey. They learned about love and acceptance as well as sacrifice for others.
My mom was probably my biggest supporter. In the beginning she thought I was nuts, but like with most other things, she was willing to help. She took my kids for days while we were out of town and was always willing to listen to what was going on with me every step of the way. It was also a growing experience for her. In the beginning she didn't really understand the how or why of things, but as I shared emails from our IPs with her she began to understand a little more. Then she met them and it all made sense. She truly KNEW why I would go through shots, sickness, restrictions, weight gain and child birth for these two people who were strangers to me a year ago. Then when they came out for the birth she got to spend some real time getting to know them and she fell in love with them too. She got to witness and be a part of this crazy, unexplainable bond that occurs when you grow a child for someone else. For 9 months my family nourished this baby with love, affection and prayers all in preparation for him to meet his parents!
Then we have the baby's parents. That is probably the most unexpected and hardest to explain relationship. As I have said before, they were not the type of IPs I was looking for. I was persuaded to take a look at their profile and I am so glad I did! I knew immediately that they were the ones for me. They are so different from everyone I know, but at the same time, we have a lot in common. It really was kind of like a dating relationship. I loved getting to know them and then there were things that I thought they were crazy for ( and I'm sure they felt the same about me at times :) ) But there really is a bond that cannot be put into words that occurs when you are responsible for growing a baby for someone. They had to trust me 100% to keep their child's best interest in mind while he was inside of me. Let's be real, would they have known if I drove that extra 50 miles at the end of my pregnancy to sit on my favorite beach, or would they know if I had a sandwich with cold lunch meat on it, probably not, but because I felt so honored that they chose me to carry their baby and to be responsible for his development and nurturing I didn't do any of those things. I always looked forward to updating them with new pictures of his growth and updates from the doctor. The nerdy part of me enjoys sending them the interesting articles and research as well! But as close as we were there was something extra special that happened while they were here for the birth, the bond became less of one of friendship and more of one of family. While I was in labor and giving birth, they were not only concerned with the well being of their son, but mine as well. There was an amazing moment as soon as Isaac was born. He was placed on my stomach and his parents and I all got to hold him as they cut the cord that had connected him and I. I had heard all kinds of horror stories from other surrogates about how the parents acted after the baby was born, but our experience was great. I was so touched at their willingness not only to share their first few hours with their son with me, but my family as well. And then a change naturally occurred. As most of you know, I love babies! They are so soft and squishy and cute! And I have been known to be a bit of a baby hog, so I really tried not to impose too much on their first few days of bonding time with their son. But what I found was that they were quite willing to share! I was quite lucky to have them here for 6 days after Isaac was born and I got to see them a lot. Now that they are farther away our roles have switched. I am very blessed that I get frequent updates, pictures and videos from them. All of this really helps the transition of my role in growing Isaac being done. Not that I ever doubted their abilities as parents, I knew they would be great, but I get to see how proud they are and how naturally they have adjusted to parenthood. It means so much to me that they take the time to keep me involved and updated on their new lives as parents. It is also this bond that is helping me to expand my horizons. When they first mentioned us coming to San Francisco to see them, my first thought was hell no, there is no way I can do that! The city is soooo out of my comfort zone. But now there is no way in hell I would miss an opportunity to see them all. I am even starting to maybe consider an eventual trip to France ( I would have to have a job of course to pay for a trip like that!) That would be a big one for me though! A big city, hours flying over the ocean, foreign language.... you get the picture, major anxiety for me, but it would be nice to experience a little bit of their world since I shocked them with my small town life!
I have been asked a lot if I would do this again, without a doubt yes. But could I do it for different parents, I am not so sure. While there are things I would like to experience differently, like having them live in the same country as me, this experience has been so good that I worry that the relationship with other parents would not be as good, really what are the odds of multiple good matches. I also have to consider my family and that I am getting older so who knows really how many good baby carrying years I have left! My husband and children have been so understanding throughout this journey. Seriously, my poor husband. He had to go through testing, give me shots, watch me carry a baby that wasn't his, he had to experience me giving birth to that baby, he has placenta pills in his fridge and breast milk not only in the house freezer but in an additional freezer in his garage. PLUS all of the restrictions that go along with giving birth. He understands that I would not hesitate at a sibling for Isaac, but I am not so sure that he would be ok with starting over with someone new!!
I really cannot express into words how amazing this experience was. I am changed forever in ways that I never anticipated. Some existing relationships changed and new ones were made. And most importantly a Beautiful baby was brought into this world who is loved by so many people in multiple countries!! I found this great quote that says it all "Family, where life begins and love never ends."
And because I have no willpower, here is one of the many pictures I have received recently of the handsome little French Fry!
No comments:
Post a Comment