The first trimester

I have noticed that just as with baby books when you have multiple kids, I am slacking on blogging on this journey. Some of it is just time. Between kids and work and a new relationship I stay pretty busy. And I am tired!! For the first 5 weeks or so I was pretty nauseous but have only thrown up a few times, which is much better than I was with Isaac. Overall I feel pretty good as long as it is not too hot and I can take a nap! I was a little concerned about being pregnant and a single mom but I have had a lot of help. I have had to let go of some of my issues with the house, it is usually messier than I like but with my kids and all of the extras that I usually have it's hard to keep up! I don't feel as moody as I was in the beginning. I think everyone was a little scared for a few weeks! I was tired and didn't feel good most of the day, I was either crying or mad a lot of the time. Nothing like a pregnancy with extra hormones to test a new relationship, but so far so good. He has been a trooper through the mood swings and exhaustion.
  So far we have had 3 ultrasounds and everything looks good. There is one macaroon that continues to measure right on schedule with a strong heart beat of 150 bpm. Here is the 6 week ultrasound. It was so moving to get to see the baby's heartbeat and get proof that I really am pregnant and not just going crazy!

I found the 8 week ultrasound to be a relief. I had been concerned because I had been feeling sick most of the day up to 7 weeks, then it all stopped and I felt good. Everything was prefect. I was able to stop shots after this appointment. While this was a relief because I still had big knots, I was really hoping to stop the vaginal suppositories aka chalk rockets. Those are horrible and gross. I even asked if I could stop them and continue shots but I was told no... I had also still been struggling with my blood pressure, but only at the OB's office. I really don't think that he believed me that my high blood pressure was anxiety based even with a note from a doctor. I was concerned that I would not be cleared for another pregnancy if I could not get my bp under control. This appointment was no exception, bp was high. The highlight of this appointment was taking my niece and mom. Specifically my mother. I am sure that I had told her that it was a vaginal ultrasound, but the look of shock on her face when she found out was priceless. Now I couldn't really care less. I have had so many people up in my junk through my pregnancies, especially surrogate ones that modesty is a thing of the past, but not for my poor mother. She was embarrassed enough for both of us! 

Here is the little 8 week macaroon. It reminds me a lot of a weeble, you know those old baby toys without legs that weeble and wobble but don't fall down?! But you can see the head more defined and the start of arms and legs. 

The 10 week ultrasound was the coolest so far. I was much more relaxed, my bp was much better this time. Dallys was with me again and just as she asked the doctor if the baby could move yet it began to wiggle around! It even looked like the baby was waving! The day after this appointment I had another blood test that will test for genetic abnormalities and also the gender! In the next week or so we will know if the macaroon is a boy or girl! I also had to schedule a level 2 ultrasound at UC Davis. I'm still lost on why but what I was told was that it is because I will be 35 when I deliver and it doesn't matter that the baby is from the egg of a 30 year old. I'm excited to have a better view of the baby and hopefully to get to spend the day with the parents AND of course eating at Rubios in Sacramento, but it seems silly to do so much testing when we have already had genetic testing. Plus it is added expense for the parents and a day I have to miss work. But, I have to do what the doctor recommends so I will be there!

Physically I notice some changes but I don't think it shows as much as with Isaac. We are able to feel the baby bump forming but really I look more fat than pregnant. I am sure that is due to the 30 extra pounds I gained on meds this time. I would be lying if I said that the weight gain didn't bother me. I remember the struggle of losing it all before and after Isaac. My goal is not to gain much this time so there isn't as much to lose. I won't have the added calorie burn of pumping this time. I don't plan on pumping unless they want milk for the macaroon. It is just too much work to pump for 30 minutes every 3 hours around the clock, clean and sanitize everything, store milk, ship milk ect. Then there are the dietary limitations of breast feeding as well to consider. I am just too busy to be willing to go through all of that again if it isn't for a baby I carry. I have resorted to living in basically anything with an elastic waistband. I tried to wear some capris that are stretchy to the coast and I was so uncomfortable that I ended up driving over with my pants undone and buying more workout pants when I got there. It is not so much that I can't get them buttoned as it is that it hurts to have the constant pressure on the grapefruit in my belly!
   Other exciting news this week at 11 weeks I was able to pick up the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler and record it for the baby's parents to hear. It is so amazing to have that proof that there is a little life growing inside of me. 
  I find that even with this being my fourth pregnancy I am much more cautious with this baby than my own. It is a big compliment to be trusted to grow someone elses baby and and I don't want to do anything wrong that could hurt the baby. I have significantly cut my caffeine, which is a challenge for sure. There have only been a few food that I have had to avoid that I would normally eat so that hasn't been bad. But its that day to day stuff I worry about, what if I trip? Walking past inconsiderate people smoking outside of stores, using both of my allergy meds, crowds where people could bump into me, it can be a bit overwhelming and I feel a bit like I try to live in a bubble. I wouldn't say that I really go THAT far, but I am more cautious. It has been a struggle to do stuff like I want to. I have so many control issues it is hard to force myself to let other people help me. I feel a bit like a dictator telling everyone what to do but so far no one has complained much. Most of the burden has fallen on my girls and Brandon but they all help whenever I need it. The girls may not always like it but they will help. Even Kimberly's boyfriend helps! If he is here he will take out the trash, help me carry in groceries and do the heavy lifting. I feel so lucky to have so many people around who not only care about me, but about the family that we are helping to grow. The baby's parents have been great too. In addition to my frequent Isaac updates and random thinking about you emails and texts I regularly get asked about how I am doing and feeling. I know that having me get pregnant at a time in my life that was so full of transitions must have been stressful for them. But as many of my family and friends have pointed out lately, I am the happiest I have been in a long time. Not ex bashing, I don't think that either George or I ever intentionally tried to make the other unhappy, but as we have both met people that compliment us we have realized how different we are and how we grew apart over the years. It is such an amazing feeling to have someone want to do the things you enjoy with you rather than because you make them. It is even better when they enjoy those things as well. It is nice to know that my home can be open for my kids and their friends to hang out and be silly without it annoying anyone, my mom can be around us without it being awkward, it is just so much less stress to have a partner that really gets me and wants to be a part of my life rather than sticks around because of a piece of paper. George is happy too, his girlfriend hates camping and loves the Chargers! I am glad that he found someone as well. There is still no drama, we all can get along. Our divorce is going along pretty simply and easily. He is also still supportive of the surrogacy and helps when I need him to. There will still be legal documents later on that he will have to sign for parentage since we were married when I got pregnant and he is still willing to do all of that as well. So yes, I am technically a single mom of 3, pregnant in my mid thirties, but I have never felt so loved and supported in my life.
It is a struggle to tell people about the pregnancy, there is always the battle of questions. I am very open about surrogacy, as I think it is important to get the good stories out there to counteract the bad ones. I also think a lot of the negativity comes from ignorance and really not knowing how things work. It drives me insane every time I am asked how much I am paid to carry a baby. First of all, it's no ones business, second the agency ensures that you are financially stable before you are even allowed to start the process to become a surrogate, but mostly  IT IS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! I am pregnant 24/7, I go through restrictions and crazy medical protocols, my family deals with it as well. The money is compensation for those things. Some of it is used to help us live more comfortably. But most of it will be used to take the girls to Europe next summer so they can experience Rome and Paris AND get to visit our surro family! Surrogacy has allowed my family to experience things that would have never been possible any other way. Aside from the relationship growth they experienced by gaining family around the world and seeing what it is like to do something for someone else, they got to experience having a stay at home mom and a week at Disneyland, plus so many little things. The other pet peeve I have is when people say what a great person I am. While it is true that not everyone can grow a baby and and then have it go home with someone else, I can. I couldn't find a good reason NOT to do this the first time and this time there was never a question, it just seemed like part of our original deal, I knew they wanted two babies and there was no way in hell I wasn't going to carry the second one too! I don't see it as something extraordinary that I do, it is an experience that I am privileged to be a part of. I enjoy being pregnant AND I get to witness a couples dream of being parents come true. I really feel like the lucky one. Especially when I get to have so much contact with them and see how happy they are and how much Isaac is growing. I hear horror stories of surros that never hear from their surro families once the baby is born, I am so lucky that is not our experience. So no, I don't think that I am doing anything worthy of praise, I am just following the path that I feel is right for me and that path happens to make other lives better, its a win-win for us all.
 Every day this baby is exposed to good things like love and laughter. It already gets lots of pokes and belly rubs and greetings. Hopefully in February the guys will take home a baby that is as happy and healthy as Isaac and he or she will continued to know that they are loved by so many people from all over the world!